Big Changes!

Holy cow I suck at updating this thing! Well, life has been quite crazy the past few months and only getting crazier! We put our house on the market the first of May and were fortunate enough to get an offer in 4 short days. We accepted the offer and things have been a crazy roller coaster ever since!

We didn't "have" to sell and move. We had been debating for about a year when the right time might be. We knew we wanted to be closer to Eric's job, closer to our doctors and places we frequent, and needed more space, the kids and the toys had over taken us! One night after the kids had went to bed Eric casually said "I think we should try and sell". I had been feeling the same way for a while and asked God that if it was the right thing to do to let it be clear to Eric as well. Within 2 weeks we had found a realtor and it was on the market. With Eric's job being in Conroe we initially thought we would move to Conroe. We like the feel of the area, a little more casual and "slower" with a small town feel like back home. What we didn't realize when we listed our home, even though the realtor warned us of this, is that home inventory in the Houston market is low and the demand for homes is high. Meaning it is a seller's market. Good for us selling, not so good for us looking. Most of the area's we liked we could either get a house in fabulous neighborhood for the same size or smaller than we had within our price range or we had to sacrifice location for size. In the end the home we bought we totally where God wanted us to be. It cuts Eric's drive time to work in half and I'm 5 minutes from The Woodlands where our doctors are and all the good shopping places. Plus we are still only 20 minutes from our church. Not as close as 1 mile away like the old house, but still within reasonable and doable driving distance. Long story short on the old house, after closing being pushed back 3 times by the buyer who was having difficulty obtaining financing and a 4th request we terminated the contract and as of last weekend put it back on the market. Terrifying to own 2 homes for the time being, but remembering God wouldn't have worked out everything the way he did if we weren't meant to move. With the crazy way the market is right now things are even selling above asking price. While the home we bought we originally got for slightly under asking, the appraisal came back short, like really short. Since we didn't have that kind of cash on hand we were going to terminate the contract and try and just build a home. In the end it worked in our favor and we were able to purchase the home for 16K less than we originally thought.

There are a ton of more crazy details in this whole buy/sell process that has given me quite a few gray hairs in the process, but I won't go into detail of those. All I will say is through everything that has happened God has been orchestrating EVERYTHING for our good. I am continually reminded of this when I start to stress over getting the old house sold quickly.

The kids have had a blast moving and being in the new house. Claire has been so excited about the new house. I was very nervous of how she would react moving. She isn't fond of change and really likes her routine and comforts she knows. Even the day we closed on the new house as we drove to it she was saying she wanted to go "home" meaning the old house. The instant we walked into the new house she lit up and has been in love ever since. Any time we got o the old house for something she refused to get out of the car and screams "no, go new house". I have to assure her she is still sleeping at the new house. Luke must like it too as he has slept 6-8 hours straight every night we have been here. He has been up every 2-3 hours for the past 2 months. Some sleep has been nice for the very very sleep deprived Momma, although the late nights spent unpacking haven't helped me catch too much.

Front of the new house

 

 

One of the last mornings at the old house

 

Claire immediately set up a gold fish picnic within minutes of walking into the new house.

 

 

"Stuff" that makes my life easier

So I thought it was about time for a "fun" post. I've said it since the day Luke came home from the hospital that the second child comes along to undo anything you ever thought you knew about being a parent. Not being a first time mom this time around I was sure I knew it all. Been there, done that, and got the sticker. Haha! Luke humbled me extremely quickly. From his first day home we quickly realized that no two kids are alike (duh)! Claire was an excellent sleeper from about 2 weeks on and I assumed I must be the sleep master (not really, but I was confident I would have 2 good sleepers). Luke, not so much. In fact I was up with him almost hourly last night. By 4:00 a.m. he thought it was time to rise, shine, and party. Thankfully when he is up he isn't fussing. He usually smiles and giggles at me. I know the sleep "experts" say not to respond back to them and ignore their cute little faces, but come on! Who can do that? Certainly not me. I catch myself grinning back, telling myself I'm compromising because I'm at least not talking to him.

The other day I was looking around at all the baby "stuff" that has invaded nearly every room of our house. I then came to the realization that 75% of the stuff laying around was brand new! So much for reusing and saving money on the 2nd kid. Then I realized this little boy is so different from his sister that we didn't waste money re buying stuff we had almost had to in order to put him down for more than 2 minutes. Me being the thrifty shopper I am did get most of the stuff on Craigslist or clearance. Here are a few things we haven't been able to live without.

1.  Rock N Play

Claire slept in the pack n play in our room the first 3 months. She had reflux like Luke and slept on a wedge (I know they are considered a no no) to keep her at a slight incline. For Luke about a week before my due date I set the pack n play up in our room just like I had with Claire. It was obvious after the first few nights home that Luke was having no such thing of the pack n play or the wedge. He just couldn't get comfortable. I either ended up holding him to sleep or putting him in is bouncer. I always heard great things about the Fisher Price Rock N Play when Claire was born, but didn't figure it was anything we needed. After all we had a crib, pack n play, bouncer, and swing. Why did we need another "baby holding" item. Well, as any sleep deprived mom knows they will try just about anything to get a few extra minutes of sleep. This was the one thing I did actually pay full price for. Although I did have a gift card and did buy the base model. First night in the Rock N Play and I got a 4 hour stretch out of him! Holy crap the hype was true! This thing is a miracle product! Luke slept in the Rock N Play until he was 3 months old and had his reflux 75% under control. In hindsight I probably would have left him in it a little longer had I known how hard the crib transition was going to be, but I was tired of tripping over all the baby stuff out in his room.

2. Woombie

Swaddling was a lifesaver for us with Claire. She slept so peacefully swaddled. I even joked I would send her off the college swaddled it took me so long to wean her from it. So naturally when I got pregnant with Luke I bought a few "boy" patterned velcro swaddlers that keeps their arms pinned to their side. Luke wasn't as in love with it as Claire was. After attempting a few nights of not swaddling him it was clear his startle reflex was too strong not to be constrained somehow. I discovered when I would swaddle him with a blanket he would move his little fists over his chest and rest them there. That was his comfortable spot. Problem with the blanket was he could easily bust out of it and I really sucked at blanket swaddling. One day on the deal site "Mamabargains" I saw the Woombie. I had seen them before but there was no way I was paying $30 for a stinkin swaddle thingy. Mamabargains had them 50% off so I ordered one. I not so patiently waited for it to arrive and when it finally did I couldn't wait to try it out. First night in the Woombie and in the Rock N Play I got a 6 hour stretch of sleep out of him! Cue angels singing! I really really liked the Woombie. It was super easy to get on him it just zips up and he could still move his arms some. Hence why it is called the Woombie, it is supposed to mimic the constraints of the womb, but still allow for some arm movement.

3.  Car Seat

Again I assumed like Claire that Luke would love the car seat. Claire could be fussing and the second the car started moving she would quickly relax and go to sleep. I wasn't very fond of the infant bucket car seat I had with Claire and since I just knew Luke would love the car seat too I ordered one I really liked. I planned on keeping Luke in the bucket for convienence purposes with 2 kids for most of not all of his first year. After all I did buy a new one and he would be the only child using it so dang it I was going to get my money out of it. It become apparent to us after a few weeks that Luke loathed the car seat. It screamed the second he got in it to the second he got out of it. He could be content as could be and withing 30 seconds of being in the car seat the screaming started. After talking to his GI doctor he said the infant  car seats aggravate their reflux terribly. He advised to leave him out of the car seat as much as possible. In other words carrying him around in it for convience was out. I already pretty much wore him everywhere I went anyway so I started researching convertible car seats for reflux babies. I initially planned on buying another Britax Marathon like the one Claire has. I like the car seat and was familiar with it's features, however I tried him in Claire's seat and he was still too short for it. After doing some research I found the angle of the Diono Radian was best suited for reflux babies plus it's safety ratings were outstanding.  I was willing to do ANYTHING to lesson the screaming in the car. Car trips were absolutely miserable and I'm a girl who like to get out and about. Since we eventually were going to have to buy a convertible when he outgrew the infant seat I thought we would give a new seat a try. I cannot even begin to describe the immediate difference in the new seat. I'm not saying he still doesn't fuss, but he no longer screams in pain. He will usually sit happily with his paci or watch himself in the mirror. He only fusses if he is tired, hungry, or just wants snuggles.

4. Moby Wrap and Baby Bjorn

I had and used both of these products with Claire. I liked them with her, but I absolutely cannot live without them with Luke. Especially now since we use the convertible car seat 100% of the time and he cannot sit up yet to ride in a shopping cart. I keep the Baby Bjorn in the car and use it for shopping trips. Its compact and easy to get on and fairly comfortable. I really like the Moby Wrap as well although it does take some practice to learn the different holds. I've really only used 2 different holds, but as he gets bigger I will have to practice and learn others. The Moby is much more comfy and easier on my back than the Baby Bjorn, but I really only use it at home, on walks (little man hates the stroller too, well pretty much hates not being held, oops) or if I'm going to be wearing him for an extended period of time. The Moby is basically an extremely long piece of fabric. Too cumbersome to wrap on me in parking lots. It drags the ground trying to get it on and that kind of grosses me out in public. The only time I use it in public is if I'm going to be wearing him for over an hour like at the zoo. People say to wrap it on you before you leave the house and just drive with it on, however my favorite hold right now is the Hug Hold and that is the one hold you actually wrap around the baby as you wrap on yourself so you can't put it on before you leave.

5. Play Mat-Fisher Price Kick N Play Piano

Claire had a play mat that she loved. She would play for 30 minutes at a time and free me up to get some housework done. I kept it and planned to use it for Luke. Well Luke's reflux made him hate being laid flat so he was not a fan of the play mat. After we got his reflux under control I tried to play mat again. I could get 5-10 minutes out of him, but nothing substantial. The boy loves to kick. Bath time and diaper changes are his time to kick his little heart out. I had heard about the Fisher Price Kick and Play piano and people saying how much their little ones loved it. I thought Luke would like it since part of the fun was kicking the piano and getting rewarded with music, but  there was no way I was going to spend another $50 on a play mat. On a whim I checked out craigslist to see if by any chance someone was selling one and they were not too far away. That same day someone listed a barely used one for $25 and they lived only a few miles away. We met and I went home to try it out. Little man loves and I mean LOVES  this thing. I get 30-45 minutes out of him every morning on it and again in the afternoon.

6. Video Monitor

With Claire I splurged and bought a video monitor. I quickly fell in love with it. I will admit it spoiled me and got so used to having one that I knew with Luke I had to have one too. I thought the model I had would accommodate 2 cameras. It would, however you had to manually switch between the 2 cameras. It would not simultaneously monitor 2 rooms at the same time. I did some research and found the newest model allowed for multiple room monitoring at the same time. Bummer was it was $200 plus another $90 for the second camera. Eric quickly crushed my dream and told me there was no way we were paying that much and we would just either buy a basic monitor or Claire would be unmonitored. So I started researching surveillance cameras. After some research I found with many IP cameras there are also iPhone apps that allow you to monitor from. Score! I could ditch the cumbersome baby monitor and monitor the kids from my phone that I always have with me. One less thing to charge! After some more research I found the Foscam cameras to be on sale for $65 each. For less than $150 I could monitor both kids rooms and the selling point for Eric was even after the kids no longer need to be monitored we could set up the cameras elsewhere in the house and monitor the house when we are away. I also researched apps to determine which one worked as the best baby monitor. I ended up purchasing the more expensive one for $11.99 that is actually purely for baby monitors. It is called Baby Monitor HD for anyone interested. The cameras were super easy to set up, they run off our wireless internet. A plus of the app is both cameras can run at the same time and the sound will actually still run in the background even when I close out of the app or when I put my phone to sleep. Only downfall of running the monitors off my phone is it does drain the battery and I end up charging my phone midday. I can also view the cameras on my laptop, but I rarely do that. A two year old and a laptop don't usually mix. You can also set the cameras up to view from any computer or phone so Eric could even see that kids sleeping at work, but so far I'm not smart enough to figure that feature out. It requires some setup on our router and I just haven't had the time to get that set up.

7. I can't believe I almost forgot maybe the most important thing. My nursing cover! I use it all the time! With Claire I always went behind closed doors to nurse, but with 2 kids I can't sneak off to a quiet place. Plus I refuse to miss out on what's going on around me just to feed my baby. I quickly learned with Claire not all covers are made equal. A bigger one is a necessity especially as they get older and more restless when covered. I found a Balboa Baby cover on sale at Marshall's for like half the price elsewhere and I love it. It is big, has a storage pocket, adjusts around the neck and they come in pretty colors!

These are my 6 must have things. Again every baby is different, but I did want to share what works for us right now. I know I always enjoy hearing from "real life" people about what does or does not work for them.

Mommy Issues and Worries

 As Moms we are natural worriers. We want to "fix" things ourselves for our children. Often times we get a slight rush when we are able to fix the situation, we are proud of ourselves. (I know most of the time I feel like I have blindfolds on as  I navigate this whole parenting thing so when I do figure out the answer to something I am quite proud). Any time one of my little ones are hurt, upset, etc. I immediately jump into trying everything I know about fixing that situation. Panicking often to find the right solution. For instance the other day I allowed Claire to have a hard piece of candy (nothing unusual she does well with things like that), but this piece was bigger than normal and I even debated cutting it in half. In a hurry to clean up whatever mess was in my path I gave it to her. The next thing I know is she is whining (nothing new here) and trying to get my attention. It got stuck in her throat! I knew she could breathe based on the whining, but it scared her. So I yanked her up and patted her on her back and out it flew. (Several good lessons learned here for me). I am not saying we shouldn't try and fix the situation ourselves, that is part of what makes us good parents. What I have learned however with my own children and watching friends situations is that sometimes we are to do nothing. Well not exactly nothing, but more specifically we are to pray and give the situation over to  God.  Psalms 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God". Even the small things. Even screaming babies. They are his children after all. Enstrusted to us on Earth to care for, but still his. With Luke's reflux I feel like I tried every solution in the book. Various medications, a specialist, homeopathic remedies, you named it I tried it. Yes in this situation medication did fix the problem (Praise God). However I found myself complaining once again "why did it take 2.5 months to get the right medication"? "This is my last baby, why did I not get to fully enjoy his first 2.5 months"? You named it I complained about it. In the back of my head that verse kept repeating in my head, but being the stubborn person I am I kept saying "yes God I do know that so come on already and make this kid feel better". God response was "you still aren't getting it"! While in my head I knew He could and would take care of the situation my heart was not fully trusting in Him. What I realized is it was my fault I didn't make the most of the situation. I was tired, frustrated, recovering from delivery and all I could do was think about myself.

Finally not screaming his entire "tummy time"

A new car seat and much more enjoyable car trips

I've always liked to think of myself as an unselfish person. Givin g to others brings me great joy. What has hit me like a ton of bricks these last few months is I am a very selfish person. I've whined about lack of sleep, whined about not having enough time to do what "I" want to do, saying "haven't I earned this or that"? I've been frusterated more than once with the kids "why can't you just go to sleep or just be happy playing on your own for a few minutes so I can do xyz"? Don't get me wrong I absolutely love staying home with my babies and wouldn't trade it for the world. What I finally realized and I mean really realized is my job as a stay at home mom is to care for my babies. I don't stay home so I can work out, or so I can catch up on a show, or even catch a nap. My job during the day is my kids. To be frusterated with them when I don't get to do whatever I want to do isn't fair. Please don't interpret this as me saying we are to be consumed with our kids all day every day. Any mom knows a break is always well deserved, earned, and needed and encouraging indepedent play is a good thing. For me I have realized probably half of my arguments with Claire stem from me trying to do something else other than care for her. Eric has helped me realize this too. Since I am home most of the time by default most of the housework falls on me. Some days I stress more and more as the laundry stacks higher and the dirt on the floors continues to accumulate. Right after Claire was born and I began staying home Eric and I argued about the lack of housework that was done. Prior to kids housework was very 50/50. I did all the cooking, but cleaning and laundry we shared. He assumed since I was at home I would manage to accomplish it and I was trying to figure out a new baby and just assumed it would continue as usual. After a heart to heart we figured out a way to make it all work. Since Luke was born that routine has had to shift again. Eric has been great about reminding me my primary job is caring for the kids. He understands why some days I get more done than others.

It's so cliche, but time goes so quickly with our  children. In a few short years Claire will be in school and shortly after that Luke too. I am beyond blessed to be able to stay at home with them. When I look back I know I won't regret sleeping less, having a stack of laundry, not always having make up on, or running that extra mile, but I will regret my selfish attitude and missing out on the joy being a mom brings me.

God is continuing my lesson in fully trusting in Him with Claire. Claire is a smart, funny, witty little girl. People who know her know she is shy and it takes her a while to warm up and she is quiet in a group. At home she is constantly chattering, being noisy, and getting into 2 year old mischief.

Outside of my family I've only shared my concerns with her speech with two close friends. I've felt as if talking about it out loud might make others look at her differently or think she just isn't that smart (believe me the kid is too smart for her own good). At her 2 year check up Claire had over 100 words and that vocabulary list has probably doubled since then. She says a ton of words. The problem is she will not put any two words together. She only speaks one word at a time. We describe her as a cave woman when she speaks. The other issue is her pronounciation. Yes, I realize 2 year olds are often difficult to understand, but I have to translate more words than not. She is able to communicate with us and get her needs met fine. Some of the words she says and understands even suprise me, but when I hear other kids her age or younger say 3 and 4 word sentences I know something is off. Kids develop at their own pace and I get that, but the way she speaks and the errors she makes are more than just a developmental thing. Last week we finally had her evaluated with ECI. Good news is she is on par or above at all other cognitve skills except expressive language. Her receptive language and other cognitive skills are so high that the way ECI scores kids to qualifiy them for therapy push her overall score too high to qualify her for services. The speech therapist agreed her expressive language is behind and with the speech errors she is making that she does need therapy. They advised us to seek private speech therapy. This is again another situation I cannot control. I have really struggled giving it over to God completely. Speech isn't a medical condition that a pill can fix. Speech is something that even with therapy she may not speak normally. This terrifies me. A person's speech is how the world initially gets to know them. Kids in school are hard enough without adding something like this to it. You name it I have found a reason not to trust God enough to handle it. Yet another time when God is telling me to just "be still". It is always things such as this that looking back is always a "wow" moment. Able to see just how God's hand has been over the entire situation. So for now I will be still. I will pray and I will trust that God has his hand on my little girl. After all this is the same God that brought the dead to life and has healed countless others. With God in control what do I have to be afraid of?

Baby Love (Newborn Picture Overload)

Oh my sweet little man. It's only been a few short weeks, but we cannot imagine life without you.

 



In the blink of an eye you made your way into this world and our hearts and completed our little family.

 

 

 

A few short months ago I was terrified on how I would be able to effectively manage 2 small children. The unknown was terrifying. Now as I look back over the past 2 months I realize I am doing it. I am raising and taking care of 2 children for the most part of the day by myself. Some days are not always easy. Some days all 3 of us are in tears all at once, but every night when we go to bed I thank God for my 2 sweet babies. I know it is by His grace that I am able to make it through each day and wake up each morning renewed and refreshed and ready to take on whatever the day may bring. I do not dwell on the troubles of yesterday or stress about the struggles that may lay before me (most of the time). I have found myself on my knees in prayer more times a day than ever before, not only asking for strength and understanding, but also in thank fullness. God shows me his presence in the little moments of the day. When both my babies are in my lap and they smile at each other. Or when Luke is crying and Claire instinctively tries to give him is paci, a kiss, and bounce/or rock him when he is in his seat. In these moments my heart swells so big I think it might burst and tears of joy run down my face. Claire often looks at me and says "cry, bo bo"? I try to explain to my sweet, sensitive girl that these tears are because Mommy is happy.

 







My sweet Claire Bear. You are Mommy's girl. You are the little girl that made me a Mommy. You are my side kick. For the last 2.5 years you have gone with me wherever I have been every step of the way. I wouldn't change a minute. It is such a joy to have you with me. I love to have your sweet face by my side. Somehow I am braver when you are with me. We are so much a like when we are in public. We are quieter and more reserved. At home both of us are loud and goofy. When people get to know us they are often shocked that we are not the quiet person that first thought we were.  I love that you are a "girly girl" like me. You love dressing up, doing makeup and beg me constantly to paint your toes. It is a crime in your eyes if your toenails are not painted. You enjoy shopping and shoe shopping is your favorite. All I have to do is walk by the shoe section and you are ripping off your shoes begging me to try some on.  I know sometimes we don't see eye to eye. Your inquisitive 2 year old brain doesn't always think things through. I promise when I tell you "no" it isn't to be mean. I tell you "no" because I love you. I love that you are my daughter. I pray that you and I have the close relationship me and your Nana have, best friends. I pray you always keep your silliness (you take after your Nana on that one). I pray you always keep your sensitive spirit. You are so intuitive when it comes to others feelings. You seem to know when they are upset and often have a hug and a kiss to offer or find a way to make them laugh. You are like me and wear your feelings on your sleeve. Daddy doesn't always understand us girls and thinks the littlest things upset us. I think we really just want to make others happy. I know when you get upset when you get into trouble most of the time you are more upset you made Mommy or Daddy (especially Daddy) mad. You are a Daddy's girl. When he is home you are glued to him. You somehow inherited his gift of sarcasm. You shock me and make me laugh more times a day with your quick wit. Your favorite part of the day is greeting Daddy when he gets home from work. All you have to do is bat those beautiful blue eyes (you got your Mimi's eyes) and Daddy melts in your hand. You have somehow known that from birth. One look and Daddy is all yours.

 

 

Mommy's little man or "handsome fart" as I often call you. (I am sure you are just going to love that nickname later). I know you haven't had the easiest first few weeks. Your little tummy has been so uncomfortable. Thankfully it does seem to be getting better. I can see in your eyes you are a sweet gentle boy. You are so inquisitive. You take in the entire room with such a serious look at times. Then there are those moments especially in the morning and at bath time your silliness comes out. You smile and "talk" to me. Sometimes I even get a little laugh out of you. You kick your legs and the more I encourage you to kick the more you do. Your smiles are the best and sometimes I can't help but cry tears of happiness when I look in your smiling face.

 

 

 

I can't get enough of you. I get accused of wanting to hold you too much. I was the same way with your sister. I would rather spend all day holding and playing with my babies than doing anything else. Time is already passing so quickly. I know you are my last baby and that is hard for me to accept you growing up. I am so excited to see more of your personality emerge, but I am also sad that you won't be a baby forever. You smell so sweet. When you nuzzle your little head in my neck at your 4:00 a.m. feeding I always rock you a few extra minutes just to take it all in.

 

 

I am so glad God gave me a son. I pray that you grow up to be a Godly man. You have been blessed with a Godly Daddy and I know he will lead you by example. I am excited to see you grow up and do "boy stuff". Whether that is playing sports, playing in the dirt or whatever you are interested in. I know you will constantly keep me on my toes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am so blessed to have the two of you as my children. I pray you both grow to become the best of friends. I tell you both every day how lucky you are to have each other. I love the love I see in both of your eyes when you look at each other. I am excited to see you laugh and play together. I know you will fight, but at the end of each day remember how lucky you are to have a brother/sister. Claire is so protective of you Luke and so proud telling everyone you are "oope" (Luke without the "L" and a p for the "k"). From the moment she met you no one was getting between the two of you. Luke, when you look at Claire you are always happy to see her. If you are fussy and she sits next to you you will usually start to settle. I can't wait to see the bond continue to form and grow between the two of you. Both of you are all I ever wanted and I thank God daily for my two greatest blessings.

 

 

 



 

Pictures by Melissa Pickens Photography.











Breastfeeding Round 2

Let me preface this by saying this is not a debate over breast milk or formula this is simply my experience breastfeeding 2 kids.

Before I got pregnant with Claire I hadn't given how I would feed my future children much thought. I knew they had to eat, the end. Even the early months I was pregnant with Claire the thought of feeding her was in the distant future. As my pregnancy progressed I started thinking about whether I would breast or bottle feed or a combination of the two. By my 3rd trimester every time I envisioned feeding her I was breastfeeding so I started reading on how to be successful. In real life I only had one girlfriend who had breastfed their child for the entire first year. Everyone else I knew either immediately formula fed or breastfed for a while until they had to go back to work. My Mom told me the story of her not making enough milk to feed me and quickly had to switch to formula (although after hearing the advice the doctors gave her it is no surprise why she struggled with milk supply, but that's a whole other topic). I was super nervous about breastfeeding especially since it seemed so hard judging by what everyone else I knew had told me. I really wanted to be successful and be able to do it her entire first year, but told myself not to get too hung up on it and not let whatever happened make me feel like less of a mother.

Within the first hour after Claire was born they handed her to me to feed. I was nervous. Would she know how to latch on? Would it hurt? The nurse explained proper latch and how to help her latch properly and the next thing I know the nurse has my boob and shoves the baby's head towards it! Success! she immediately latched on an ate for nearly the next hour. We had continued success at the hospital and she was having the appropriate diaper output. I was nervous about going home and what the next few weeks would bring. Sore nipples and all I immediately fell in love with breastfeeding. I was so scared that something wouldn't go right and I would have to give it up. The first pediatrician appointment the doctor explained they expected her to be back at her birth weight at her 2 week check up. The next 2 weeks I stressed over whether she was gaining enough. Her diapers were proof she was eating, but would it meet the 2 week standard? I am the type of person that doesn't have to be the best at everything I just want to feel like I at least succeed at what I try and if nothing else know I gave it my all. At her 2 week check up she was exactly back at her birth weight. Whew! Then in the next few weeks I experienced her "cluster feeding" in the evenings. She would eat and fuss 30 min later and eat again. This cycle would last 2-3 hours every evening for a while. At the time I almost convinced myself that between the hours of 6-9 I must have low supply and was so exhausted from all the feeding that maybe we needed to supplement. About that time the cluster feeding stopped. At the time I didn't know this was normal newborn behavior especially during growth spurts and I was too scared to ask anyone. Fortunately I stuck it out. I was very blessed to exclusively breastfeed Claire for 15.5 months until she self weaned. Funny thing is I tried and tried to get her to switch to cows milk once she turned a year and she absolutely hated it. To this day all she drinks is water and a little juice. At the time I worried that she wasn't going to get enough calories especially after she weaned. She was always a slow gainer. Only weighing 17.5 pounds at a year. It's funny the stuff you worry about as a mom, especially a first time Mom. She loved to snack and I guess that is how she made up her calories. For a long time I couldn't even make a 10 min run to the grocery store without bringing a snack a long because she would act like she never was fed. I just noticed the other day that somewhere over the past 6 months the snacking phase seems to be over.

I was fortunate with Luke that immediately after he was born I got to feed him before they weighed him or anything. I expected him to immediately latch on like Claire did, but he didn't. It took 30-45 minutes of trying to get him to latch before he did. In that time I started getting stressed. What was I doing wrong? I reminded myself that sometimes it takes them a little bit to get the hang of it.  The nurse came and helped me with no success. Then they called in the lactation consultant. By the time she got there he finally latched on and was feeding well. Still not as interested as Claire was at first, but I did get a good 15 minute feed out of him. The next few feeds gradually got easier and easier. We also discovered he had a tongue tie which made his latch a little more difficult. He did manage to eat and figured out how to work around it, but we did end up getting it clipped at 2 weeks which helped my comfort level when he ate tremendously.

Breastfeeding the 2nd child so far has been less stressful. I haven't worried about Luke gaining enough. I know his diaper output (and the rolls on his legs) show me he is eating plenty. My milk also came in a day sooner. I wasn't prepared for this until in the hospital the lactation consult informed me it probably would. The engorgement was also shorter. My body adjusted much much quicker. With Claire I was full and leaked for months. This time by the end of the first month I wasn't full unless he slept a longer stretch at night and have minimal leaking. I remember with Claire I was terrified for months about having to feed her out and about. I would always go to the car to feed her. As much as I enjoyed feeding her I sometimes felt it held me back. Several friends and I had babies close in age. We would go somewhere and they could easily bottle feed them wherever they were at. I often felt I was slowing them down having to stop and find a place to feed Claire. Before I had Claire I wrongly assumed in these situations I would come prepared with a pumped bottle and go about my day. What I didn't realize is while she would drink that bottle my body was used to feeding her at a certain time and all that milk had to go somewhere! Well that and the little turkey absolutely refused to take a bottle. It made for an interesting week for the babysitter when I lasted all but a week back at work when she was 3 months old.

This time around I carry my nursing cover everywhere and have no issue feeding Luke wherever I'm at. I don't even think twice about it. I feed him and keep going. Having 2 kids is busier than I ever dreamed and for me to not have to wash bottles, warm milk, prepare bottles etc. is one less thing I have to stop and think about. Leaving the house takes an act of God as it is ( and those who know me well know that pre kids I was still late to everything) now with 2 kids I'm just doing good to show up. I couldn't imagine having to prepare food to leave too! Also these two little sweet peas seem to suck out all my brain cells and I misplace my phone, keys, paci etc. multiple times a day there is no way I would always remember to bring a bottle.  I love that for me breastfeeding is convenient once I got over my fear of feeding (covered) in public. Luke literally gets fed on the go sometimes. Sister needs me and he is eating so he just has to hold on tight and keep eating! I have also been fortunate neither one of my kids are marathon eaters. Usually 10 minutes and Luke is full and happy. I also love that it is (mostly) free! In order for me to stay home we have had to make a lot of cuts and not having to buy formula helps out a ton.

My advice to anyone who wants to breastfeed is to have a solid support system. Eric was skeptical at first since neither of us knew many people who breastfed. However, he was encouraging from day 1 and of course happily brings me the baby to feed (mostly I think because he doesn't have to get up with the baby, lol). When I was stressing over whether or not Claire was gaining enough he offered paying for a lactation consultant for a few "lessons". His theory the $35 a session they would  charge was still cheaper than the cost of buying formula. Even though I thought I was "slowing" my friends down by having to stop and feed they have always assured me I'm not. Every one of them has been supportive and non judgmental as us Moms should be. Being a Mom is hard enough we all should be supporting each other and our parenting decisions knowing we are doing the best we can for our kids. Also don't be afraid to ask questions! If you know someone who has breastfed don't be afraid to talk to them about it. There is nothing like real life experience from others that can often guide us much better than reading a dozen books. Lastly those first 6 weeks are rough for many reasons. If you can survive breastfeeding past those first 6 weeks I promise the worst part is over. The baby starts sleeping a little longer, you aren't as sore and engorged, and your body starts regulating around the baby's schedule.

I am not one to take pictures of myself feeding my kid, but I will leave you with pictures of the fruits of my labor :-)

Glorious

As you read this post you may start to wonder what is so "glorious" about it, but I promise I will get there.

Life with 2 kids is exhausting work. I'm not going to sugar coat it. Right now it is more work than reward. Thankfully I do know the reward part is right around the corner though. Our sweet little man as I've mentioned before has reflux. Claire had reflux and was quite a fussy baby. I had worked it up on my mind while I was pregnant that I had earned my dues with Claire and she was my fussy one and therefore I was due to have an "easy" baby. Ha! How wrong I was! God once again has a sense of humor. Thinking Luke was going to be an easy baby and then him being the complete opposite has made everything even harder. His reflux is 10xs worse than Claire's was. Either that or I've blocked out how bad hers was. With Claire the first med combo worked fairly well. With Luke we are on combo number 2 and praying for results. He has literally screamed nonstop if he is awake for the past 3 weeks. I think with Claire only having her to focus on made the fussing easier to manage. Now having Luke and Claire my patience seems shorter. I'm sure that is in part due to lack of sleep. Claire sees all the attention that has to go into Luke plus all the additional time I spend trying to settle him and she acts out. I can't blame her sometimes. She went from my constant attention to now having to share it and often times she doesn't get a fair share and the share she does get is often an emotionally exhausted Momma. Please don't get me wrong I love my little man more than life itself and I am so glad he is here it's just an adjustment. I know he won't scream forever (he won't right?) and he will soon smile and coo and all the screaming will be a memory.

The other day I'm in the car going to run an errand. Luke was screaming as he had been all day. I was at my wits end and in tears not knowing what in the world to do to make him happy. The radio is always on in my car even if the volume is down. I had to drown out the screaming so I turned the volume loud. Playing on the radio was a song I had heard a million times. "Everything Glorious" by The David Crowder Band". As I listened to the words I began crying for a different reason. He makes EVERYTHING Glorious. That includes my screaming son. We were made in God's image to bring Him glory. At that moment I realized 2 things. Luke is God's son and he made him in His image. That although I didn't understand why o why I was picked to be the mother of very uncomfortable screaming baby God choose me to care for him on Earth. I am privileged to be his mother. I could sit in my misery feeling helpless or give him back to God and trust that God knows what he is doing entrusting this sweet boy to me. Also maybe some way some how through his reflux and screaming God will be glorified. At that moment I had a sudden peace. Even though my sweet boy was still screaming I knew that God knew I would take care of Luke and be able to handle the screaming.

Thankfully before last week was over every day Luke has gradually gotten better. Screamed less and smiled more. I absolutely hate when my babies don't feel good and there isn't anything I can do to fix it right away. I have also discovered his reflux is worse when I eat dairy products. While I am bummed I can't enjoy my cheese and yogurt as a Mom I will do whatever it takes to help my boy. Keep praying the new medicine keeps working!

Finally feeling better and smiling!

 

My babies!

 

Sampling his first bottle. Claire was thrilled to help!

Hazy first few weeks

I intended on doing this post about the first 2 weeks as a mom of 2, but this sleep deprived Mom is a little slower these days so it will probably be closer to 3 weeks before I get it published.

The first weeks of Luke's life have flown by and creeped by all at the same time. On one hand it feels like he has always been with us and Christmas and the holidays happened in some other lifetime. On the other hand I look back and cannot believe he is almost 3 weeks old. He reminds me just how quickly the newborn stage flies by. I think back on Claire as a newborn and realize just how precious this time is. It really is such a short period in life. Thinking like that also helps me survive the often long nights of feeding every 2 hours (or more) and the 1.5-2 hour stretch in the middle of the night I usually spend trying to get him back to sleep. I find I can't always remember back to Claire's newborn days. Eric will often ask me when did Claire do xyz and I often have no idea. That breaks my heart. As much as I miss a full nights sleep I'm trying to soak in every ounce of Luke's "newborness". Knowing this is most likely the last newborn that will be in the house.

We have been beyond blessed to have my Mom and Eric's Mom come and spend a week with us. I've gotten to rest and spend time with my babies while the laundry and cleaning have been taken care of. Claire has loved every minute of Mimi or Nana spoiling her rotten and Mommy has become chopped liver at times. The time has now come that life must resume and I've got to find the new normal daily routine with 2 kids. I'm not going to lie I'm quite terrified. I'm reminding myself I'm no one special and Moms have managed multiple children for thousands of years. (The same thing I told myself at the end of labor when I wasn't so sure I could handle the pain after all). I've said it before I'm anxious to find our family's "new normal". Right now I know to take things one day at a time and to remember it's ok if I don't accomplish everything I'm used to accomplishing in one day. Nurturing and loving my 2 babies is the most important thing.

Claire has had a bit of a time adjusting. I knew she would and I'm nervous about her continuing to adjust now that grandparents have gone home and she really has to share the attention. She has been great with Luke. Anxious to give him a paci if her cries and loves to hold and kiss him. She has however tried to push a few more buttons with her parents. Typical 2 year old behavior just a little more amplified now that baby brother is here.

I've said it before postpartum hormones are not my friend. They weren't after I had Claire and they certainly aren't this time around either. I was hopeful that since I knew they were coming I could somehow avoid them. Not so much though. It's the strangest mix of emotions. On one hand so happy that the baby is finally here. On the other an annoying black cloud that follows you around waiting to suddenly ruin any feeling of joy. It's so frustrating for me. I know the wide range of emotions are normal following birth especially with crazy hormonal shift that happens. One second I find myself completely elated and the next I find myself almost sad that pregnancy is over. The anticipation that comes with welcoming a new child is suddenly over. I think it's been harder this time knowing this is our last child. I'm so excited to watch my family grow up and just enjoy being a Mom, but I am also a little sad that the excitement that pregnancy brings is over. All my life I wanted nothing more than to be a Mom and experience being pregnant at least once. God has blessed me twice now with 2 healthy pregnancies and babies and even gave me the delivery I so hoped for. It's kind of surreal to have "completed" our family.

Another strong emotion I have experienced is guilt. Guilt that Claire no longer has our sole attention. Guilt that I can't give Luke the same time and attention I was able to give Claire the first 2.5 years of her life. Whenever my attention is focused on one and the other is upset too that feeling just grows. Logically I know that Claire won't even remember a time without her brother and Luke won't feel cheated. I know that the best gift I can give them is my love and each other. There is nothing like having a sibling and the greatest gift I could give them is a built in playmate and friend. Again hormones messing with my head. I remember with Claire 10 days post partum was my "turning point" to starting to feel not so crazy and by 2 weeks postpartum I was feeling much better. Remembering that has helped me power through these first few weeks. It has been true this time as well. 2 almost 3 weeks out and I feel about 85% normal. I still have moments of anxiety, but the tearful moments have mostly passed. I know a lot of my anxiousness is being increased by my lack of solid sleep. With Claire she slept 4 hour stretches by 2 weeks. And of course if she decided to eat at 7 in the morning and sleep until 10 so did I. With Luke he is up about every 2 hours and of course Claire is up around 7 and I can't go back to sleep if little man sleeps in. I'm just thankful for the hour or so Claire naps I can rest and snuggle with little man.

We did decided to clip Luke's tongue tie. There really were no cons to doing it and it was over quickly with only 1 drop of blood. He nursed immediately afterward and I could instantly tell his latch had improved. We also discussed the possibility of reflux with the doctor. He had been exhibiting some of the same symptoms I remember Claire having. I hated the thought of putting him on meds at such a young age so the doc and I decided to give him another week and revisit it. After another sleepless week and it became very obvious to Eric and I he was in pain we decided to put him on medication. The relief was nearly instant and now on day 3 of medication and I have gotten some much needed rest. He has actually been going 3-4 hours between feedings at night and going right back to sleep. It's amazing what several hours of sleep in a row can do for a tired Momma!

Ok I know this post is very random (it has been written over a weeks time), but it's a little recap of our first few weeks as a family of 4.


10 Days Old

 Sleepy Smiles

 Stylish Sister