Blessings

Often times we get so busy we forget to stop and think about the many blessings God gives us. We either focus on everything we don't have or focus too much on how we can achieve what we want. Sadly I know I am very guilty of all of the above. On Tuesday I sat down to pay our large stack of bills and review our finances. The month of October was a rough month financially for us. Both our cars were in the shop at one point with $1,000 plus a piece repair bills. Claire had 2 ER visits and to end the month off right our garage door broke. Also during the month all 3 of us were sick at least once and several other personal issues peaked. Eric and I were discussing the other day what a sucky month October was. Thankfully while we were in the midst of everything God didn't allow us to dwell on all the crappy things that were happening to our family otherwise it would have been easy to get depressed. Things really didn't hit us until we stopped to recap the month. Anyway as I am paying close to $4,000 of additional bills above and beyond our normal monthly expenses the panic started to set in. At the first of the year when Eric and I decided to take a step of faith and for me to quit my job and stay home with Claire we had worked out our monthly finances for a year. As most of us do we think a year is a really long time and that finances will be really different by the time a year is up. Usually though and in our case things really are not any different than they were a year ago. Again back to Tuesday's bill pay session I started to freak out which is exactly what the devil wanted me to do. I caught myself starting to panic and immediately started to pray. I asked God to reaffirm his will for our family. That I am still supposed to be at home with Claire. Of course that is what I want. I cannot imagine missing out on all the funny stuff she does all I day. Then that stinkin devil started to creep in again saying "how could that be what you are supposed to do when you can't pay your bills". Then God stepped in and told me to remember Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God". So that is exactly what I did in my little kitchen with my laptop on my left and stack of bills on my right I presented my requests to God and you know what? I was no longer anxious I was at peace and know that God is going to take care of my family. I also started to count my blessings. I reminded myself how blessed we are to have such a beautiful and funny little girl. She is the child I prayed and prayed and prayed for. I also remember that while we always get a case of the "I wants" we do have what we need. We have a nicer roof over our heads that a lot of people, we have a closest full of clothes, we have a car in the garage, we have good health, we have wonderful family, friends, and church family. The list goes on. As many of you know I am working for an insurance agency that is letting me sell out of my home with no quotas. Of course this is not guaranteed income. Some months I sell several policies which really helps us out financially and some months I am lucky to sell one. Yesterday the lady who owns the agency I am selling for emailed me. She said that her and the girl that service policies out of the office are overwhelmed with servicing customers. She proposed if I was interested that she send me over service issues (nothing would have to be completed immediately she is aware that I am home with my daughter) and pay me a flat weekly fee and that I would have no more than 5 hours worth of work a week and if I feel I am going over the hours a week she will increase the fee. Of course I said I was interested! She sent me over all the details and the weekly fee ended up being right in the middle of what I expected and what I hoped for. A really fair fee. I am so amazed at how God blesses us and takes care of us. While this income is still short of what we need to stay afloat it will certainly help a ton. God also answered my prayer and reaffirmed that I am exactly where he wants me to be at home with my child. Eric also received his quarterly bonus at the first of November. This money we had plans to put back to help with bills for next year. Of course with our expensive month of October this money went towards paying those bills. At first I was discouraged that we were not able to put back this money, but then I remembered how blessed we were to receive it. God tells us not to worry about tomorrow and he certainly took care of "today". The bonus check was able to cover 2/3rds of our unexpected expenses. That's huge for us. While we still have 1/3rd of the bills to pay for I am reminded that God is going to take care of us and how incredibly blessed we are to serve such an amazing God.

Halloween and the Ducks!

Eric and I both said this was our favorite Halloween by far ever! I know most of it was because this was Claire's first year trick or treating. Last year she was a mere 6 weeks old and wasn't exactly old enough to trick or treat. I also think this was our favorite year also because we spent it with some wonderful friends. We had a blast watching the kids trick or treat and laugh along the way at how excited they all were. I had my doubts about Claire enjoying Halloween. My first concern was her dislike of her costume. Every time I tried her costume on her she would scream bloody murder. I had such a hard time even measuring her for it. She absolutely hated it. My second concern was she is so shy around people that she doesn't know that she would be a screaming and kicking scarecrow walking up to people's houses. She completely shocked us. Once she saw her friends dressed up she let me put the costume on her and even kept the hat on for awhile. She wouldn't let me paint her face completely nor would she wear her arm bands, but I didn't care  because the main part of the costume was on!! I think she smelled the candy because before the night was over she was practically running to each house and even smiling and taking the candy out of people's hands! She had a blast and crashed before we could even get a mile down the road.

My not so scary scarecrow!

 Claire and her friend Mickey Mouse!

 Trick or treating with Daddy!

 Enjoying some candy!

My inspiration for the costume.

Claire has recently fell in love with our neighborhood playground. I love it too because it lets her go "bye bye" which she is always wanting to do. She is a bit like me and can't sit still at home for long. Plus it is not far away. We get to walk and then play. By our neighborhood playground is also a small "pond". In this pond there are many ducks. Claire has become fascinated by these ducks and runs the whole way saying "du du du". (Claire's version of  "duck"). We have learned a bit about these ducks lately. There is a couple whose house back up to the pond. Apparently these people are the self appointed neighborhood duck caretakers lol. The guy feeds them everyday and has even named most of them. They instantly run when they hear his voice. He showed Claire the 11 baby ducks in his backyard that he rescued from our neighborhood pool. Apparently the Momma duck set up her "home" in the pool. Not the best place so this poor guy spent nearly 2 hours trying to capture 11 baby ducks while fending off a mad momma and then catching the momma duck and setting them up a habitat in his backyard until they are old enough to join the pond. Claire loved them and she even got to pet one. There is also one lone goose. I have noticed this goose is a little "special". I learned from the guy that this goose's name is "Silly Goose". It was raised by a woman and that is why it always chases women not men.  We have been chased several times. I also learned that the majority of the ducks have been dropped off by individuals who I guess raised them and then didn't want them. Yesterday Silly Goose did his usual chasing us thing and hung out on the playground most of the time following Claire and I around. All was well until Silly Goose decided to grab Claire's shirt while she was sliding down the slide. Didn't hurt her, but scared the crap out of her lol. From now on we will see the ducks last instead of first since Silly Goose has a problem with boundaries.  Here is a picture of Silly Goose from yesterday and a picture of Claire and the ducks the other day.

I think we are all better (fingers crossed)

After an interesting and exhausting last week Claire seems to be better yay! Our poor baby ended up at Texas Children's last Thursday. We called her doc Thursday afternoon (after hours) when Claire would not stop screaming and nothing I did made any difference. She would arch her back etc. and no matter how what I did she wouldn't stop. But then she did stop. Then about an hour later she started up again. So Eric called the doc on his way home from work because I couldn't hear myself think much less be able to carry on a conversation. We kept thinking it was just her reflux irritated which is what Eric started telling the doctor. She immediately said that it didn't sound like reflux, but intussusception. We quickly learned that that meant one part of the bowl had slid into another part of the bowl. She said it is not uncommon after having a stomach virus that it can happen. She said to go to Texas Children's instead of St. Lukes because if that was what is was then they were equipped to handle it. She also said she had called one of her colleagues and gave them a heads up so hopefully we wouldn't have to wait as long.  By the time we got there she was calm (actually she was asleep) and we thought maybe she was ok after all. We got checked in and in a few minutes were sent to triage to get her vitals taken. The place was packed and we were basically told that even though they had received the heads up on Claire we were still going to have to wait. Luckily or unluckily I'm still not sure which, while the nurse was taking her vitals she started having one of her screaming episodes. The nurse immediately noticed this wasn't your normal screaming from being tired, or mad, or a tantrum. It scared her bad enough she ran and grabbed the first doctor she could find. By the time she got the doc in Claire had settled down, but they still decided we didn't have to wait they would start running tests. The first thing they did was cath her to check for a UTI. She hadn't been peeing much at all over the past week since she wouldn't eat/drink. I was shocked at the amount of pee they were able to get out of her. They said it could be a UTI and that was the first thing to rule out. Almost immediately after they cathed her she relaxed and started asking to eat and drink. Whoa! Once we got settled in our room she was playing and laughing! This is the first she wanted to play and actually get down and walk around in a week. I thought surely it must be a UTI if she felt that much better after they emptied her bladder. They came back in about an hour later and said the pee test came back negative so it was time for plan B to do an ultrasound and check for intussusception. Long story short, thankfully the ultrasound looked good, unfortunately we still had no idea what was causing her so much pain. So at 2:00 a.m. we were sent home with our very tired baby. The next day she was about 80% herself and by Saturday she was 100% herself. I don't know if she had a bladder retention problem and draining her bladder helped or what, but the main thing is my sweet girl is finally back!!!

Sadly we did not make it to my brothers house. We were so nervous she would relapse and we just wanted to keep her in her own routine and environment so she could rest that we decided not to go. It was such a hard decision. After the week I had I really needed to get away, but Claire always comes first. Since I was so bummed about not getting to go to  Dallas Eric was so sweet and told me we could do whatever I wanted all weekend. We decided to go with our good friends to the pumpkin patch. While smiles were few and far between (Claire was more interested in playing with the pumpkins and dirt) we did get some good pictures and had a great time hanging with friends.

Oh I almost forgot to share some funny pics. It's kind of mean I think they are funny, but while we were at my Mom and Dad's house last weekend on Friday night Dad was mowing the yard. After he was done mowing Dad wanted to take Claire for a ride on his mower. I thought Claire would love it, but she really didn't it. That Friday I thought she was better, but of course Saturday I learned different. Anyway I don't know if that contributed to her dislike of the mower or if she was truly scared but these make me laugh anyway. Pappaw said we will try the mower ride again next time.

Sick

My poor baby bear has been sick :-(. All you Moms know how terrible it is to see your baby sick. Claire has been sick a few times in her life, but I can honestly say nothing has been as bad as this past week. It all started last Thursday. I had plans to leave and go to my parents Thursday morning during Claire's morning nap time (yay for long naps in the car right?). Mom and I were helping throw a good childhood friend a baby shower on Saturday and I wanted to get there a few days early to prepare for the shower and hang out with my parents. Eric had to work late until Friday evening so Claire and I were supposed to go spend a some relaxing time in the country. Claire loves it at my parents. They have a big front porch and the last time she was there she crawled all over it. This time I was excited because it was her first trip to Nana and Pappaws as a walking girl. So Thursday morning I got up early to get shower, dressed, packed and loaded. Claire normally gets up around 7 like clock work every day. 7:00 rolled around and I was still getting ready, 7:15 rolled around, 7:30 rolled around and I thought thanks baby girl, the one day I can't sleep in you do. 7:45 rolled around and I decided to make some noise and get the car loaded. Around 7:55 I heard some noise on the monitor. Not crying just some noise like she was talking to her glo worm or her very hungry Caterpillar. I opened the door with my big morning smile to great my princess and then it hit me. The smell. I know that smell anywhere. Vomit. I always wondered when Claire was an infant if I would know the difference between spit up and throw up. With all her reflux she was a spitting machine. I don't know why I worried about that because there is a very distinct smell. Weird thing was she didn't cry, didn't seem scared, nothing. It was everywhere. All over her, in her hair in the crib on the crib, you name it. Last night's dinner, yuck I know. I took care of her cleaning her first. When I was a kid I threw up a lot. Mom used to tell us if we couldn't make it to the bathroom to run outside and throw up. Anything to keep it out of the house. So my instinct told me to strip her outside in case round 2 was coming. I got her bathed and cleaned with no round 2 and got the bed stripped and sprayed lysol like crazy. The smell was terrible and persistent. .She acted fine, happy even. She asked for her morning 'baby milk" as we call it, which means she wanted to nurse. So I sat in the glider and she happily nursed. When she was finished she promptly sat up and threw up everywhere. Nice. Now it was all over me, her, and the glider. Bath #2. I won't go into details, but lets just say I went through 3 outfits and Claire had 5 baths before the day was over. Obviously we didn't go to my parents on Thursday.

Friday rolled around and Claire was finally grouchy. Thursday was so weird that she was so happy despite barfing all day. I decided to play it by ear on Friday and see if we were going to make it to my parents. At noon there was no throw up. She ran a very very low grade fever that morning, but by noon it was gone with no meds needed. So at 12:30 we decided to make the trip. By the time we got to my parents it had been a full 24 hours since she had last vomited. I thought we were in the clear. She was whiney and clingy, but that was to be expected after being sick I thought. Saturday morning was the shower. There was a fantastic turnout and a very special little boy has lots of fun stuff to look forward to. Claire is always shy so I wasn't surprised when I couldn't put her down when we got there. A crowd of people always stresses her. What did surprise me was how lethargic she was. She actually fell asleep in my arms without me even trying. I should have known something was up. Then the diarrhea started. Yay (not). Next thing I know it has ran down her leg, my arm, and is all over the floor. I changed her diaper and pressed on. She then decided she was hungry and was signing to eat so I let her have a snack. Bad idea. 10 minutes later barf everywhere. It was time for us to leave the shower. I felt terrible this happened at the shower and now even more terrible there have been several people get sick. Claire was the germ spreader. Aaahh. Everyone who knows me knows how much I dislike when people bring their sick kids places. To my defense I honestly thought she was better. By the shower time she had been "well" for 36 hours. Lesson learned. I will no longer judge other moms when they bring sick kids out.

Later Saturday afternoon she had not thrown up anymore so Mom aka Nana made her some jello which she actually ate.  I waited 45 min or so and left to take her to visit her Mimi (Eric's Mom). Car ride was a bad idea. When I went to get her out of the car she threw up red jello everywhere. Over her, over me, the car. The only positive was I had already pulled her out of the car seat and luckily did not have a car seat to also wash. My poor Mom did more loads of laundry for us while we were there. Sunday she seemed better, but poor Pappaw not so much. Claire shared her virus with her Pappaw. Oh and did I mention Eric called me Saturday night he had came down with it too!!! This was one mean virus. Made it home Sunday evening safe sound, and insides intact. Right before bath time Sunday night I was loving on my baby and she barfed again! Seriously? Why? Another 24 hours had passed clear and again thought we were over it! I was really concerned at this point. Claire wasn't wetting many diapers as she wouldn't eat or drink. She would nurse, but she has only been nursing once a day for about a month and my supply I know isn't very much anymore. I called her doc Monday morning who told me what I knew, just a virus had to run it's course etc. I was concerned though about dehydration. They told me make sure she is wetting a diaper every 10 hours or so. I told them she was right at that mark. All I wanted was for them to check her out, but no they tell me if I am concerned to take her to the ER. The ER? It was only 8:30 in the morning why couldn't they just assess her? I did manage to get a little more down her on Monday, but she was not herself at all. By the time Eric got home he was very concerned about her behavior, mainly how lethargic she had become so we decided off to the ER we go. Yay for sitting in the ER until 2 in the morning with a tired, sick 12 (almost 13) month old. They did what I wanted her pediatrician to do and assess her for dehydration. Thankfully she was not dehydrated. They gave her some zofran for nausea and sent us on our way.  Tuesday rolled around and she was still free from vomit since Sunday night, yay. However she would not let me put her down or even take her off the boob for that matter. Nothing I did made her happy. We survived Tuesday barely. Wednesday (today) rolled around and I had to get up with her screaming bloody murder at 4 a.m. Weird because she hasn't woke up in the middle of the night for 4 months. Got her back to sleep. Woke up at 7 screaming bloody murder which continued non stop until 9:30 when I finally got her to sleep. Whew. I called the doc and insisted to be seen. Her doc was out of the office, but I didn't care who I saw at this point.  She still won't eat, drink anything besides a little jello and whatever breast milk she is getting. Eric and I had noticed over the course of the week that she was refluxing terrible. To be expected though after throwing up so much. This morning I knew that it was her reflux causing her to scream in pain for hours. The doctor confirmed my suspicions and upped her reflux dose quite a bit. So now we wait and pray that the dosage upped makes her feel better. She was down to 16lbs 11 ounces this morning. Over a pound lost in less than a week. That's a lot for a little girl. She weighed that much 3 months ago. The doc said he wasn't concerned and that when she started eating again it should come back on quickly. I sure hope so. It is scary to hold her and fell her bony self. Babies aren't supposed to be bony they are supposed to be squishy.

This weekend we have plans to go to Dallas and visit my brother and his wife. I feel terrible I haven't been to there house since their wedding. eeek terrible sister. And with my brothers work schedule (he works weekend nights) he hasn't seen Claire in 7 months! Please pray my sweet girl feels better soon and that we get to go to Dallas. I have had a rough week with Claire being sick and other things stressing me and seeing my silly brother would really help. More than anything though just pray Claire feels better. I miss my goofy smiley girl.

First Birthday

Claire's first birthday and birthday party have come and gone. We had so much fun. Her "Paris" themed party was a success. She is very blessed with such wonderful family and friends.  Claire was her goofy self when my parents were here.  She thinks my mom aka Nana is the funniest person in the whole world. She just looks at her and laughs. Pappaw is pretty fun too as he takes her on walks when she is fussy and lets her get away with what she wants. Surprisingly Claire wasn't very interested in her birthday cake. She was terrified when everyone sang happy birthday and took a couple of licks of icing, smeared it all over me and called it a day. She must take after her Daddy. She likes salty stuff, but sweets aren't her favorite. (Unlike her Momma who loves sweets way too much).

It's hard to believe a year has passed. This has truly been the most wonderful year of my life. My little princess has changed me in more ways than she will ever know. She has made be a better person, wife, mother, and Christian. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us and her. I just love our little family. The joy she brings to our lives is indescribable. I know she is very shy around other people and it takes her awhile to warm up, but she really is hilarious and goofy. I try my best to socialize her and help her not to be scared. She does fine and warms up well as long as I am in the room. When I leave however she clams up. I know separation anxiety peaks at her age and I remind myself this is normal. Please don't take offense if she doesn't warm up right away. I promise she will warm up if you are patient and when she does she will bring many smiles to your face. I have really stressed over her separation anxiety. I have felt like I have done something wrong. I still doubt myself as a mother a thousand times a day and talk to God often for guidance. I just want my little girl to be happy, well rounded, loving, kind, and most of all love God. I have to remember that being social and outgoing isn't everyone. I was a shy kid and still am a shy adult. I take a while to warm up to new situations. A very dear friend told me the other day that when she first met me she thought I was kind of snobby because I didn't say much. She said she quickly learned that I am not snobby at all I just observe new situations and people before I jump in. I think Claire is the same way, but as a baby she can't express herself like an adult nor does she have the "social norms" to govern her behavior. She acts on the outside what some of us are doing on the inside. Screaming get me out of here! I know I have been in certain situations and scared where I wish I could scream and bury my face. My Mom also made a good point that since I breastfed Claire she wasn't passed from person to person with a bottle. People love feeding babies their bottle and being passed around and sitting in unfamiliar people's laps isn't something Claire is used to.

A week before Claire's birthday we had birthday photos taken. They are beautiful. Here is a link to some of them if you want to see.  (hopefully this will work) http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.245987295446351.60835.159745780737170&type=1

Here are a few pics from her birthday and birthday party.

Reflections of a first time Mom

With Claire's 1st birthday coming tomorrow I have spent the last few days reflecting on the days leading up to her birth and the first few days of her life. On the 13th I laughed with Eric as we remembered how upset I was her due date had come and gone and there was still no baby. I think I was most upset about having to go to work the next day. For 9 months I had it in my head that after the 13th I was on maternity leave, no more work for me, wahoo! Well clearly God had other plans. A year ago today I had my last doctors appointment, the appointment that I had laughed at the receptionist making months earlier because it was after my due date, of course the baby would be here by then. I'll never forget the receptionist telling me I'm gonna make it "just in case". Good thing she did because that stubborn baby had plans of her own. I had finally come to terms that I would need to be induced only to get to my doctors appointment and be told the hospital was full until Monday! Another 5 whole days! I thought it was a lifetime. Well, after an ultrasound discovering the amniotic fluid was low the hospital had to make room for this Momma because baby Claire was gonna be born the next day!

I also have been laughing remembering how awkward I was as a new Mom. During her birth (warning probably TMI) the doctor exclaimed she has blond hair! Of course I was dying to see it, but at the angle I was at (haha) I couldn't. Eric got to see it as my crazy doctor was giving her a mowhawk mid birth. They put her on my tummy for a brief moment before they whisk her away and I was left with my legs in the air. Eric of course ran over to watch the doctors and nurses check out the baby. By the time I was put back together and sitting more appropriately I was brought my adorable baby burrito. She was nicely wrapped up tight with a dang hat on her head. All I could see was a gorgeous squinty baby face. I was dying to unwrap her and get a good look at all her fingers and toes and every inch of her perfect self. I decided I wanted to nurse her immediately after birth and all I wanted to do was snuggle with my beautiful new creature, but I thought I can't unwrap her, won't I get into trouble? I was sure that if I unwrapped her everyone would scold me quickly that that's now how you are supposed to handle a newborn. I didn't know the rules. I had limited baby much less newborn baby experience. I have always been afraid of looking stupid or getting into trouble that I often forgo my own wishes. It didn't dawn on me until months later when I was thinking about that moment that duh! I was her mother! I called the shots not the doctors and nurses. Yes they give advice and all, but she is my baby I could have unwrapped her and snuggled all I wanted! Well, if God decides there is a "next time" in the cards for us I will certainly get my snuggles in immediately. I also had to laugh thinking about my first diaper change. It was either late the first day or the second day at the hospital and Claire had pooped. Something I soon learned she was very good at. At this point in my life I had only changed maybe 3 diapers ever. Never a poopy diaper. Thank God Brandi was in the room with me because I was clueless. My first thought was where is the nurse? Again new mom and the nurse had changed every diaper up until this point. I thought for a moment "isn't the nurse supposed to change the diaper?" Not because I didn't want to, but because I thought what if I don't do it right and they are supposed to do it? Brandi laughed and said just change it. Thankfully she walked me through changing my first Claire diaper.

I also had to laugh about my first few days at home. I was sleep deprived which added to my stupidity, but we were going to bed one night and my milk had just come in. So at night it was like a really bad leaky faucet. I got my nightgown on and knew I needed to wear some nursing pads. In my groggy head I thought I'm not wearing a bra so what to I stick the pads to (duh my nightgown) so instead I thought it was a bright idea to stick them to myself! Well in the middle of the night it wasn't a pretty picture when I went to remove them to feed the baby. My very full, very sore boobies where in for a shock when I ripped that sticky side of the pad off! Yes, I know, I'm not always the brightest.

There are many other funny moments I like to think about, but these are 3 that I think I will never forget. I just can't believe my pretty princess will be one tomorrow. She gets funnier every day. The other night I was getting her ready for bed and while I was changing her diaper Eric was entertaining her letting her hold her little Bible. We started talking to her about the Bible and about Jesus. A few seconds later she says "Jesus"! Such a beautiful thing to hear your child say Jesus. It truly is amazing what young children understand. I really try and made it point to tell her about Jesus several times a day. My greatest wish for my child is for her to know Jesus as her Savior.

Painting Fun

Last week I was trying to find fun stuff to do outside with Claire. The weather was a tad cooler and the walking girl begs to go outside all day. I thought she had eaten her fair share of leaves and other dirt so we needed something else to do. I was doing my daily fun on Pinterest and discovered a homemade sidewalk paint that when it drys it looks like chalk! It's edible, non toxic, you know all the stuff kids aren't supposed to have. It is 1/4 cup of cornstarch, 1/4 cup of water, and food coloring. I learned the hard way a little food coloring goes a long way because even a week later poor baby's toenails are still tinted blue. Needless to say she had an absolute blast. She spent more time spilling the "paint" and pretending to brush the driveway. Oh and of course licking the paint brush. The driveway is still a nice rainbow of colors, but one day (hopefully) it will rain and wash our canvas a way for us to start again! Here are some pics from our "artwork".