Baby Love (Newborn Picture Overload)

Oh my sweet little man. It's only been a few short weeks, but we cannot imagine life without you.

 



In the blink of an eye you made your way into this world and our hearts and completed our little family.

 

 

 

A few short months ago I was terrified on how I would be able to effectively manage 2 small children. The unknown was terrifying. Now as I look back over the past 2 months I realize I am doing it. I am raising and taking care of 2 children for the most part of the day by myself. Some days are not always easy. Some days all 3 of us are in tears all at once, but every night when we go to bed I thank God for my 2 sweet babies. I know it is by His grace that I am able to make it through each day and wake up each morning renewed and refreshed and ready to take on whatever the day may bring. I do not dwell on the troubles of yesterday or stress about the struggles that may lay before me (most of the time). I have found myself on my knees in prayer more times a day than ever before, not only asking for strength and understanding, but also in thank fullness. God shows me his presence in the little moments of the day. When both my babies are in my lap and they smile at each other. Or when Luke is crying and Claire instinctively tries to give him is paci, a kiss, and bounce/or rock him when he is in his seat. In these moments my heart swells so big I think it might burst and tears of joy run down my face. Claire often looks at me and says "cry, bo bo"? I try to explain to my sweet, sensitive girl that these tears are because Mommy is happy.

 







My sweet Claire Bear. You are Mommy's girl. You are the little girl that made me a Mommy. You are my side kick. For the last 2.5 years you have gone with me wherever I have been every step of the way. I wouldn't change a minute. It is such a joy to have you with me. I love to have your sweet face by my side. Somehow I am braver when you are with me. We are so much a like when we are in public. We are quieter and more reserved. At home both of us are loud and goofy. When people get to know us they are often shocked that we are not the quiet person that first thought we were.  I love that you are a "girly girl" like me. You love dressing up, doing makeup and beg me constantly to paint your toes. It is a crime in your eyes if your toenails are not painted. You enjoy shopping and shoe shopping is your favorite. All I have to do is walk by the shoe section and you are ripping off your shoes begging me to try some on.  I know sometimes we don't see eye to eye. Your inquisitive 2 year old brain doesn't always think things through. I promise when I tell you "no" it isn't to be mean. I tell you "no" because I love you. I love that you are my daughter. I pray that you and I have the close relationship me and your Nana have, best friends. I pray you always keep your silliness (you take after your Nana on that one). I pray you always keep your sensitive spirit. You are so intuitive when it comes to others feelings. You seem to know when they are upset and often have a hug and a kiss to offer or find a way to make them laugh. You are like me and wear your feelings on your sleeve. Daddy doesn't always understand us girls and thinks the littlest things upset us. I think we really just want to make others happy. I know when you get upset when you get into trouble most of the time you are more upset you made Mommy or Daddy (especially Daddy) mad. You are a Daddy's girl. When he is home you are glued to him. You somehow inherited his gift of sarcasm. You shock me and make me laugh more times a day with your quick wit. Your favorite part of the day is greeting Daddy when he gets home from work. All you have to do is bat those beautiful blue eyes (you got your Mimi's eyes) and Daddy melts in your hand. You have somehow known that from birth. One look and Daddy is all yours.

 

 

Mommy's little man or "handsome fart" as I often call you. (I am sure you are just going to love that nickname later). I know you haven't had the easiest first few weeks. Your little tummy has been so uncomfortable. Thankfully it does seem to be getting better. I can see in your eyes you are a sweet gentle boy. You are so inquisitive. You take in the entire room with such a serious look at times. Then there are those moments especially in the morning and at bath time your silliness comes out. You smile and "talk" to me. Sometimes I even get a little laugh out of you. You kick your legs and the more I encourage you to kick the more you do. Your smiles are the best and sometimes I can't help but cry tears of happiness when I look in your smiling face.

 

 

 

I can't get enough of you. I get accused of wanting to hold you too much. I was the same way with your sister. I would rather spend all day holding and playing with my babies than doing anything else. Time is already passing so quickly. I know you are my last baby and that is hard for me to accept you growing up. I am so excited to see more of your personality emerge, but I am also sad that you won't be a baby forever. You smell so sweet. When you nuzzle your little head in my neck at your 4:00 a.m. feeding I always rock you a few extra minutes just to take it all in.

 

 

I am so glad God gave me a son. I pray that you grow up to be a Godly man. You have been blessed with a Godly Daddy and I know he will lead you by example. I am excited to see you grow up and do "boy stuff". Whether that is playing sports, playing in the dirt or whatever you are interested in. I know you will constantly keep me on my toes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am so blessed to have the two of you as my children. I pray you both grow to become the best of friends. I tell you both every day how lucky you are to have each other. I love the love I see in both of your eyes when you look at each other. I am excited to see you laugh and play together. I know you will fight, but at the end of each day remember how lucky you are to have a brother/sister. Claire is so protective of you Luke and so proud telling everyone you are "oope" (Luke without the "L" and a p for the "k"). From the moment she met you no one was getting between the two of you. Luke, when you look at Claire you are always happy to see her. If you are fussy and she sits next to you you will usually start to settle. I can't wait to see the bond continue to form and grow between the two of you. Both of you are all I ever wanted and I thank God daily for my two greatest blessings.

 

 

 



 

Pictures by Melissa Pickens Photography.











Breastfeeding Round 2

Let me preface this by saying this is not a debate over breast milk or formula this is simply my experience breastfeeding 2 kids.

Before I got pregnant with Claire I hadn't given how I would feed my future children much thought. I knew they had to eat, the end. Even the early months I was pregnant with Claire the thought of feeding her was in the distant future. As my pregnancy progressed I started thinking about whether I would breast or bottle feed or a combination of the two. By my 3rd trimester every time I envisioned feeding her I was breastfeeding so I started reading on how to be successful. In real life I only had one girlfriend who had breastfed their child for the entire first year. Everyone else I knew either immediately formula fed or breastfed for a while until they had to go back to work. My Mom told me the story of her not making enough milk to feed me and quickly had to switch to formula (although after hearing the advice the doctors gave her it is no surprise why she struggled with milk supply, but that's a whole other topic). I was super nervous about breastfeeding especially since it seemed so hard judging by what everyone else I knew had told me. I really wanted to be successful and be able to do it her entire first year, but told myself not to get too hung up on it and not let whatever happened make me feel like less of a mother.

Within the first hour after Claire was born they handed her to me to feed. I was nervous. Would she know how to latch on? Would it hurt? The nurse explained proper latch and how to help her latch properly and the next thing I know the nurse has my boob and shoves the baby's head towards it! Success! she immediately latched on an ate for nearly the next hour. We had continued success at the hospital and she was having the appropriate diaper output. I was nervous about going home and what the next few weeks would bring. Sore nipples and all I immediately fell in love with breastfeeding. I was so scared that something wouldn't go right and I would have to give it up. The first pediatrician appointment the doctor explained they expected her to be back at her birth weight at her 2 week check up. The next 2 weeks I stressed over whether she was gaining enough. Her diapers were proof she was eating, but would it meet the 2 week standard? I am the type of person that doesn't have to be the best at everything I just want to feel like I at least succeed at what I try and if nothing else know I gave it my all. At her 2 week check up she was exactly back at her birth weight. Whew! Then in the next few weeks I experienced her "cluster feeding" in the evenings. She would eat and fuss 30 min later and eat again. This cycle would last 2-3 hours every evening for a while. At the time I almost convinced myself that between the hours of 6-9 I must have low supply and was so exhausted from all the feeding that maybe we needed to supplement. About that time the cluster feeding stopped. At the time I didn't know this was normal newborn behavior especially during growth spurts and I was too scared to ask anyone. Fortunately I stuck it out. I was very blessed to exclusively breastfeed Claire for 15.5 months until she self weaned. Funny thing is I tried and tried to get her to switch to cows milk once she turned a year and she absolutely hated it. To this day all she drinks is water and a little juice. At the time I worried that she wasn't going to get enough calories especially after she weaned. She was always a slow gainer. Only weighing 17.5 pounds at a year. It's funny the stuff you worry about as a mom, especially a first time Mom. She loved to snack and I guess that is how she made up her calories. For a long time I couldn't even make a 10 min run to the grocery store without bringing a snack a long because she would act like she never was fed. I just noticed the other day that somewhere over the past 6 months the snacking phase seems to be over.

I was fortunate with Luke that immediately after he was born I got to feed him before they weighed him or anything. I expected him to immediately latch on like Claire did, but he didn't. It took 30-45 minutes of trying to get him to latch before he did. In that time I started getting stressed. What was I doing wrong? I reminded myself that sometimes it takes them a little bit to get the hang of it.  The nurse came and helped me with no success. Then they called in the lactation consultant. By the time she got there he finally latched on and was feeding well. Still not as interested as Claire was at first, but I did get a good 15 minute feed out of him. The next few feeds gradually got easier and easier. We also discovered he had a tongue tie which made his latch a little more difficult. He did manage to eat and figured out how to work around it, but we did end up getting it clipped at 2 weeks which helped my comfort level when he ate tremendously.

Breastfeeding the 2nd child so far has been less stressful. I haven't worried about Luke gaining enough. I know his diaper output (and the rolls on his legs) show me he is eating plenty. My milk also came in a day sooner. I wasn't prepared for this until in the hospital the lactation consult informed me it probably would. The engorgement was also shorter. My body adjusted much much quicker. With Claire I was full and leaked for months. This time by the end of the first month I wasn't full unless he slept a longer stretch at night and have minimal leaking. I remember with Claire I was terrified for months about having to feed her out and about. I would always go to the car to feed her. As much as I enjoyed feeding her I sometimes felt it held me back. Several friends and I had babies close in age. We would go somewhere and they could easily bottle feed them wherever they were at. I often felt I was slowing them down having to stop and find a place to feed Claire. Before I had Claire I wrongly assumed in these situations I would come prepared with a pumped bottle and go about my day. What I didn't realize is while she would drink that bottle my body was used to feeding her at a certain time and all that milk had to go somewhere! Well that and the little turkey absolutely refused to take a bottle. It made for an interesting week for the babysitter when I lasted all but a week back at work when she was 3 months old.

This time around I carry my nursing cover everywhere and have no issue feeding Luke wherever I'm at. I don't even think twice about it. I feed him and keep going. Having 2 kids is busier than I ever dreamed and for me to not have to wash bottles, warm milk, prepare bottles etc. is one less thing I have to stop and think about. Leaving the house takes an act of God as it is ( and those who know me well know that pre kids I was still late to everything) now with 2 kids I'm just doing good to show up. I couldn't imagine having to prepare food to leave too! Also these two little sweet peas seem to suck out all my brain cells and I misplace my phone, keys, paci etc. multiple times a day there is no way I would always remember to bring a bottle.  I love that for me breastfeeding is convenient once I got over my fear of feeding (covered) in public. Luke literally gets fed on the go sometimes. Sister needs me and he is eating so he just has to hold on tight and keep eating! I have also been fortunate neither one of my kids are marathon eaters. Usually 10 minutes and Luke is full and happy. I also love that it is (mostly) free! In order for me to stay home we have had to make a lot of cuts and not having to buy formula helps out a ton.

My advice to anyone who wants to breastfeed is to have a solid support system. Eric was skeptical at first since neither of us knew many people who breastfed. However, he was encouraging from day 1 and of course happily brings me the baby to feed (mostly I think because he doesn't have to get up with the baby, lol). When I was stressing over whether or not Claire was gaining enough he offered paying for a lactation consultant for a few "lessons". His theory the $35 a session they would  charge was still cheaper than the cost of buying formula. Even though I thought I was "slowing" my friends down by having to stop and feed they have always assured me I'm not. Every one of them has been supportive and non judgmental as us Moms should be. Being a Mom is hard enough we all should be supporting each other and our parenting decisions knowing we are doing the best we can for our kids. Also don't be afraid to ask questions! If you know someone who has breastfed don't be afraid to talk to them about it. There is nothing like real life experience from others that can often guide us much better than reading a dozen books. Lastly those first 6 weeks are rough for many reasons. If you can survive breastfeeding past those first 6 weeks I promise the worst part is over. The baby starts sleeping a little longer, you aren't as sore and engorged, and your body starts regulating around the baby's schedule.

I am not one to take pictures of myself feeding my kid, but I will leave you with pictures of the fruits of my labor :-)

Glorious

As you read this post you may start to wonder what is so "glorious" about it, but I promise I will get there.

Life with 2 kids is exhausting work. I'm not going to sugar coat it. Right now it is more work than reward. Thankfully I do know the reward part is right around the corner though. Our sweet little man as I've mentioned before has reflux. Claire had reflux and was quite a fussy baby. I had worked it up on my mind while I was pregnant that I had earned my dues with Claire and she was my fussy one and therefore I was due to have an "easy" baby. Ha! How wrong I was! God once again has a sense of humor. Thinking Luke was going to be an easy baby and then him being the complete opposite has made everything even harder. His reflux is 10xs worse than Claire's was. Either that or I've blocked out how bad hers was. With Claire the first med combo worked fairly well. With Luke we are on combo number 2 and praying for results. He has literally screamed nonstop if he is awake for the past 3 weeks. I think with Claire only having her to focus on made the fussing easier to manage. Now having Luke and Claire my patience seems shorter. I'm sure that is in part due to lack of sleep. Claire sees all the attention that has to go into Luke plus all the additional time I spend trying to settle him and she acts out. I can't blame her sometimes. She went from my constant attention to now having to share it and often times she doesn't get a fair share and the share she does get is often an emotionally exhausted Momma. Please don't get me wrong I love my little man more than life itself and I am so glad he is here it's just an adjustment. I know he won't scream forever (he won't right?) and he will soon smile and coo and all the screaming will be a memory.

The other day I'm in the car going to run an errand. Luke was screaming as he had been all day. I was at my wits end and in tears not knowing what in the world to do to make him happy. The radio is always on in my car even if the volume is down. I had to drown out the screaming so I turned the volume loud. Playing on the radio was a song I had heard a million times. "Everything Glorious" by The David Crowder Band". As I listened to the words I began crying for a different reason. He makes EVERYTHING Glorious. That includes my screaming son. We were made in God's image to bring Him glory. At that moment I realized 2 things. Luke is God's son and he made him in His image. That although I didn't understand why o why I was picked to be the mother of very uncomfortable screaming baby God choose me to care for him on Earth. I am privileged to be his mother. I could sit in my misery feeling helpless or give him back to God and trust that God knows what he is doing entrusting this sweet boy to me. Also maybe some way some how through his reflux and screaming God will be glorified. At that moment I had a sudden peace. Even though my sweet boy was still screaming I knew that God knew I would take care of Luke and be able to handle the screaming.

Thankfully before last week was over every day Luke has gradually gotten better. Screamed less and smiled more. I absolutely hate when my babies don't feel good and there isn't anything I can do to fix it right away. I have also discovered his reflux is worse when I eat dairy products. While I am bummed I can't enjoy my cheese and yogurt as a Mom I will do whatever it takes to help my boy. Keep praying the new medicine keeps working!

Finally feeling better and smiling!

 

My babies!

 

Sampling his first bottle. Claire was thrilled to help!

Hazy first few weeks

I intended on doing this post about the first 2 weeks as a mom of 2, but this sleep deprived Mom is a little slower these days so it will probably be closer to 3 weeks before I get it published.

The first weeks of Luke's life have flown by and creeped by all at the same time. On one hand it feels like he has always been with us and Christmas and the holidays happened in some other lifetime. On the other hand I look back and cannot believe he is almost 3 weeks old. He reminds me just how quickly the newborn stage flies by. I think back on Claire as a newborn and realize just how precious this time is. It really is such a short period in life. Thinking like that also helps me survive the often long nights of feeding every 2 hours (or more) and the 1.5-2 hour stretch in the middle of the night I usually spend trying to get him back to sleep. I find I can't always remember back to Claire's newborn days. Eric will often ask me when did Claire do xyz and I often have no idea. That breaks my heart. As much as I miss a full nights sleep I'm trying to soak in every ounce of Luke's "newborness". Knowing this is most likely the last newborn that will be in the house.

We have been beyond blessed to have my Mom and Eric's Mom come and spend a week with us. I've gotten to rest and spend time with my babies while the laundry and cleaning have been taken care of. Claire has loved every minute of Mimi or Nana spoiling her rotten and Mommy has become chopped liver at times. The time has now come that life must resume and I've got to find the new normal daily routine with 2 kids. I'm not going to lie I'm quite terrified. I'm reminding myself I'm no one special and Moms have managed multiple children for thousands of years. (The same thing I told myself at the end of labor when I wasn't so sure I could handle the pain after all). I've said it before I'm anxious to find our family's "new normal". Right now I know to take things one day at a time and to remember it's ok if I don't accomplish everything I'm used to accomplishing in one day. Nurturing and loving my 2 babies is the most important thing.

Claire has had a bit of a time adjusting. I knew she would and I'm nervous about her continuing to adjust now that grandparents have gone home and she really has to share the attention. She has been great with Luke. Anxious to give him a paci if her cries and loves to hold and kiss him. She has however tried to push a few more buttons with her parents. Typical 2 year old behavior just a little more amplified now that baby brother is here.

I've said it before postpartum hormones are not my friend. They weren't after I had Claire and they certainly aren't this time around either. I was hopeful that since I knew they were coming I could somehow avoid them. Not so much though. It's the strangest mix of emotions. On one hand so happy that the baby is finally here. On the other an annoying black cloud that follows you around waiting to suddenly ruin any feeling of joy. It's so frustrating for me. I know the wide range of emotions are normal following birth especially with crazy hormonal shift that happens. One second I find myself completely elated and the next I find myself almost sad that pregnancy is over. The anticipation that comes with welcoming a new child is suddenly over. I think it's been harder this time knowing this is our last child. I'm so excited to watch my family grow up and just enjoy being a Mom, but I am also a little sad that the excitement that pregnancy brings is over. All my life I wanted nothing more than to be a Mom and experience being pregnant at least once. God has blessed me twice now with 2 healthy pregnancies and babies and even gave me the delivery I so hoped for. It's kind of surreal to have "completed" our family.

Another strong emotion I have experienced is guilt. Guilt that Claire no longer has our sole attention. Guilt that I can't give Luke the same time and attention I was able to give Claire the first 2.5 years of her life. Whenever my attention is focused on one and the other is upset too that feeling just grows. Logically I know that Claire won't even remember a time without her brother and Luke won't feel cheated. I know that the best gift I can give them is my love and each other. There is nothing like having a sibling and the greatest gift I could give them is a built in playmate and friend. Again hormones messing with my head. I remember with Claire 10 days post partum was my "turning point" to starting to feel not so crazy and by 2 weeks postpartum I was feeling much better. Remembering that has helped me power through these first few weeks. It has been true this time as well. 2 almost 3 weeks out and I feel about 85% normal. I still have moments of anxiety, but the tearful moments have mostly passed. I know a lot of my anxiousness is being increased by my lack of solid sleep. With Claire she slept 4 hour stretches by 2 weeks. And of course if she decided to eat at 7 in the morning and sleep until 10 so did I. With Luke he is up about every 2 hours and of course Claire is up around 7 and I can't go back to sleep if little man sleeps in. I'm just thankful for the hour or so Claire naps I can rest and snuggle with little man.

We did decided to clip Luke's tongue tie. There really were no cons to doing it and it was over quickly with only 1 drop of blood. He nursed immediately afterward and I could instantly tell his latch had improved. We also discussed the possibility of reflux with the doctor. He had been exhibiting some of the same symptoms I remember Claire having. I hated the thought of putting him on meds at such a young age so the doc and I decided to give him another week and revisit it. After another sleepless week and it became very obvious to Eric and I he was in pain we decided to put him on medication. The relief was nearly instant and now on day 3 of medication and I have gotten some much needed rest. He has actually been going 3-4 hours between feedings at night and going right back to sleep. It's amazing what several hours of sleep in a row can do for a tired Momma!

Ok I know this post is very random (it has been written over a weeks time), but it's a little recap of our first few weeks as a family of 4.


10 Days Old

 Sleepy Smiles

 Stylish Sister

Luke's Birth Story

Our little or not so little guy has finally arrived! This may take me a few days to write, but I wanted to take the time while it is still fresh and write his birth story. I know I have always loved to read others birth stories so I wanted to share his.

For some reason my entire pregnancy Eric was convinced Luke was going to be born December 27th or 28th. He didn't have a good reason why he thought that he just did. I guess he kind of suckered me into thinking the same thing especially once I learned the 28th was a full moon. Not that a full moon has any correlation with birth, but I was being hopeful. I had my 39 week appt on the 27th. The doctor checked me and I was still at only 1cm and 80% effaced. Same as the previous week. She offered to strip my membranes to maybe speed things up a bit. By this point I was open to anything that might work. She even commented about the full moon being the next night and maybe it would help break my water. She warned me after stripping my membranes that I would experience a lot of cramping and bleeding. So we left the doctors office with a lot of hope. Well as the next 24 hours passed that hope quickly disappeared. I didn't so much has even have a mild cramp and no bleeding. I had read that if stripping membranes was going to work it usually does by 48 hours later. The rest of Thursday passed, Friday passed, Saturday passed (with some interesting things starting to happen), Sunday passed and nothing. We tried to stay busy and got the Christmas decorations down, went out to eat for Eric's birthday on the 31st, ran around town. On Sunday we went to church and Eric and the guys went to a gun show and Claire and I went out to lunch with some friends for a play date. After Claire's nap on Sunday Claire and I went for a "brisk" walk. Nothing out of the ordinary. I have walked and tried to stay as active as possible my entire pregnancy although this walk I did push myself to go as fast as possible.

Sunday evening I decided to give up "trying" to make this baby come and decided he would come when he came. I started questioning whether my body knew what to do to start labor. After being induced with Claire I started preparing myself for another induction. I had prayed for many months to not have to be induced again. Not that the induction with Claire was a terrible experience it just wasn't the birth experience I had envisioned. With this most likely being my last pregnancy I really wanted to experience spontaneously going into labor just one time. After lots of prayer I had come to terms that if I had to be induced again it would be ok and whatever God's plan was for my little dude to enter the world was fine by me.

Being due January 4th my Mom and Eric had a little competition hoping he would come on one of their birthdays. Mom's is January 1st and Eric's is December 31st. So after being bummed he didn't arrive the weekend we had "predicted" I decided to look forward to the week ahead and maybe, just maybe, he would decided to share a birthday with his Daddy or Nana. Sunday evening we put Claire to bed as usual and Eric decided to do some work stuff he had put off doing after being off all week. I had not been sleeping well at all lately due to my massive size and read somewhere that peppermint tea is good to help relax. I'm not a tea drinker at all so I was desperate. I sat down on the couch drank my tea and tried catching up on some DVR shows. Next thing I know I hear Eric saying "are you asleep"? I never fall asleep on the couch and some how I did. I guess the tea worked so I headed off to bed. Little did I know my couch nap was probably my bodies way of making me rest because it knew what was in store for me later that night.

Around 3:00 a.m I woke up to go to the bathroom for like the millionth time. This time I felt gassy, but nothing happened. I laid back in bed, but the feeling persisted so I got up walked through the house got a drink and decided to sit on my yoga ball to see if that helped. It was probably 30 minutes later before I realized these pains were coming and going so I decided to use my nifty contraction app. What I discovered was the pains were coming about every 4-5 minutes, but lasting only about 30 seconds. Everything I had read said contractions needed to last at least 1 minute to make cervical change. By 4:00 the contractions were more painful, but still not lasting more than 45 seconds each. I had had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions over the past few days, but these were distinctly different. As I paid more attention I realized these were lower and wrapped all the away around. I also remembered the distinct pressure in my bottom from labor with Claire. At 4:00 I decided to take a shower and see if that eased them or if they would stop. They were painful, but I could still function through them. I decided before I took a shower to wake Eric and tell him what had been going on. More so if he woke up and found me in the shower he wouldn't be confused. At this point I still didn't think this could be the real thing. Then as I'm telling Eric I had a contraction I really had to breathe through. He gets all excited and instantly knows it's go time. All the while I'm telling him it's probably nothing and to just go back to sleep. Needless to say the shower didn't slow things down. If anything things intensified. Luckily this was the one time sleep didn't over power my husband and he decided he better shower too and prepare to leave. I decided to lay back in bed still not convinced it was the real thing. Eric decides to time contractions since it had been an hour or so since I last had. We discovered they were 3-4 minutes apart lasting 30-40 seconds each. Eric tells me he thinks I should call the doctor and see what she wants us to do. She had told me to call if I had contractions 7-10 minutes apart lasting 1 minute for 2 hours at my last visit. Again I tell him I really don't know what to do since they weren't lasting all that long. I agree to call her after 5:00 a.m. For some reason calling after 5:00 a.m. just seemed more humane to me and not quite so "middle of the night".

Around 5:15 I called the doctor. She told me to go ahead and come to the hospital and we would see what was going on. She asked how long until we got there and I told her around an hour that we first had to find a sitter. Thankfully we have some amazing friends who were all on standby for when the time came since everyone has such different schedules we were hopeful that at least 1 would be available. To our luck and it being New Years Eve and some were on vacation. Brandi came around 5:45 or so to sit with Claire and she even brought my hungry husband breakfast! By the time we chatted a while it was 6:40 or so before we made it to the hospital. If I had any doubts I was in labor the car ride confirmed this had to be the time. Eric thought it was fun to time the contractions on the way and they were now every 2-3 minutes lasting 45 seconds and increasingly painful. They were still manageable with deep breathing. We walked into the hospital (with a few stops along the way for me to hold onto Eric and breathe) and made it to labor and delivery. Thankfully my fabulous doctor already had my records sent over to the hospital so getting to triage was quick and easy. (As it turns out my doctor had been at the hospital all night doing deliveries). While in triage they get me hooked up to the monitors and asked me standard questions. I must say every staff member we encountered during our stay was absolutely fantastic. I was worried since we got there right at shift change we could be in triage for a while, but the nurse stayed around until we were actually admitted.

 My goal was to labor at home as long as possible and not rush off to the hospital. I always heard that sometimes when you get to the hospital labor can slow down since you are no longer in your own comfort zone. I had a minimum goal of of being dilated to a 4 before getting to the hospital especially since I was only dilated to a 1 a few days prior. My dream goal was to be dilated to a 6 or better before getting to the hospital since I had heard that transition begins around a 7 centimeters and that's when things really start to get intense. When I was pregnant with Claire I wanted to go without pain meds. I was determined I would not get an epidural. Well, until one experiences labor it is difficult to actually say how painful it will be. I ended up getting an epidural with Claire when I stalled for a while at 6 centimeters. After the epidural my body relaxed enough and labor progressed quickly. This time I knew if I had to be induced again I would get the epidural. Pitocin is some mean stuff. However if I went into labor naturally I was really wanting to see if I could manage to go pain med free. Anyway the nurse did the exam and praise Jesus I was dilated to a 6! I actually said "praise Jesus" when she said that lol. She said "wow you already did a lot of work". That made me proud of myself for some reason. Needless to say we were on our way to admission and getting a room. Of course my dear husband tends to have to use the restroom when he gets nervous and of course nature called while I was in triage. He debated leaving me to go relieve himself since he felt bad leaving his laboring wife. I assured him he would be much more useful to me if he was "comfortable" and to go to the bathroom, lol. As I said before we got there at shift change and while we got to a room fairly quick it was almost an hour later before I even got an IV. In the meantime my doctor had called and offered to come up and break my water to speed things up if I wanted. I quickly agreed, anything to meet my little guy sooner. Around 7:45 she made her way up and examined me again. I was only a 6.5. Boo! My fear of labor slowing down around 6 like it did with Claire came to the surface. Since I had finally got the IV they had just drawn labs. The nurse told me as soon as labs came back (typically 40 min or so) I could request and epidural, but not to wait too long to tell her in case the doctor was on their way to a surgery then I would get bumped. I said we would play it by ear that right now I was managing the contractions fine. The doctor broke my water and quickly warned me that things would get much more intense now. Shockingly I had about a 5 minute break before my next contraction and it wasn't much if any worse than the one before. I fell back into an every 2 minutes or so pattern and while the contractions may have been a little more intense they were still manageable.

I had read several things that remaining as relaxed as possible through the contractions was key to progressing. So I used a lot of the typical deep breathing and visualization of my body opening up for the baby. Poor Eric really wanted to help me feel better and rubbed my back, neck, etc. I had to kindly tell him not to touch me lol. In labor I am one that just needs to be left alone to focus. Another thing that really helped me was staying distracted in between contractions. I distracted myself, by texting my mom, friends, etc. with updates and general chat. That really helped me kind of "forget" and not tense up knowing another contraction was coming.

Texting in labor

 The contractions never lasted more than a minute. So different than my induction with Claire when they lasted about a 1.5 minutes each. I think that helped make them more manageable too. Knowing they would quickly pass. The doctor came back about 40 minutes later and I was 8.5-9 centimeters! At this point I decided to officially decline the epidural. I knew by the time the doctor made it and got it in it would be too late. Since my doctor had been up all night she went somewhere in the hospital to rest until it was time. I decided that I needed to pee and holy crap! Standing up intensified the contractions a million times. I couldn't lay flat in the bed it made the contractions unmanageable so I did sit up straight the entire time, but standing was a whole different ball game. 3 contractions later I peed and made it back to the bed. At this point I really started to think about saying yes to the epidural. Within minutes I felt such intense pressure and 2 contractions later I told Eric to page the nurse I felt like I had to push. The nurse came running in and checked me I had just a little rim left to be 10 centimeters. She told me not to push just yet that it would hurt worse until I reached 10. They paged the doctor and the room was suddenly very busy with people. Before I knew it I was pushing and couldn't stop myself. They paged the doctor again and she suddenly arrived getting dressed very quickly. I started saying 'I can't do it I can't do it". The pain was incredible. I had a phenomenal labor nurse. When I first met her I was a little bummed that she was very business like and not the more compassionate type like I had with Claire. I am a firm believer God puts the exact people you need in your path and he certainly paired me with the right labor nurse for a med free delivery. The wonderful doctor I had with Claire coached me and cheered me on pushing and the nurse was more of a support person. This time the roles were reversed. I absolutely love my doctor and she was fantastic in letting my body do it's own thing. She was also a calming voice.  If the nurses pushed too hard for me to position myself a certain way she calmly told them it was ok and to basically back off lol. Anyway my labor nurse kept me focused. Apparently when your feet, hands, face go tingly and numb you are hyperventilating. So as I am starting to freak out that things feel weird she calmly told me I was hyperventilating and showed and breathed with me the correct way. If I started to get unfocused she quickly snapped me back to attention. Suddenly I was pushing with all my might and 3 pushes later my little guy arrive with a literal splash lol.( I won't go into any further detail about that). On his Daddy's birthday at 9:34 a.m. 6.5 hours after labor begin, Luke Thomas Westerman entered this world. The instant pain relief the second they are out is so true, however the pain left over in my crotch not so much. It was at that moment I really wished I had pain medication. That pain was so terrible I had a hard time focusing on my little man for a second. Long story short I had a 2nd degree tear and obviously had to have some repair work done.

Meeting my little guy for the first time.

I was so impressed with the hospital. While I was getting my IV I had asked the nurse their procedures after the baby was born. With Claire they laid her on my chest for a minute and wiped her down and she was then taken away to be weighed, examined etc. The nurse told me that hospital policy allowed me to have an hour of skin to skin time before he would be cleaned and any procedures or exams would be performed. We could snuggle and breastfeed and basically be left alone for an entire hour! I was estactic. If I could have a dream delivery that's exactly how it would go. Pain med free and plently of snuggles to enjoy my new little guy before he was whisked away. Having him on my chest was amazing and really helped distract me from the repair job going on down below. The first thing little guy did the second they laid him on my chest was pee all over me lol. Then I felt his little hiney start to squirm and I said "uh oh I think he is going to poop on me too"! They put a diaper on him at that moment, but other than that diaper I got to hold my little guy for nearly and a hour and a half before they took him to be weighed. He was covered in so much vernix when he was born he was a white little dude the nurses all kept commenting on what a "cheesy" guy he was. They also continued to comment on his size. Especially since they put a newborn diaper on him and it was quite snug. I knew he wasn't going to be a small baby so that didn't really surprise me. Claire was such a blondy when she was born I was anxious to see what color hair Luke would have. At first glance while it was still wet it looked jet black. Completely opposite of his sister. After he was bathed and dried it is really a very dark brown.

After our snuggle time was up they weighed him and measured him. 9lbs and 22 inches. I can't remember exactly how big his head was, but I do remember the nurse laughing about how big his head was. I could have cared less. He was here and perfect. Took him a few minutes to get the hang of latching and nursing, but he eats like a champ. We did find out he has a tongue tie and we have to decide before his 2 week appointment if we want to get it clipped or not. Since it isn't causing any feeding issues and he is already gaining back some of the weight he lost it isn't that big of a deal right now. The only thing we have to worry about is if it will cause any speech issues in the future.

Big sister Claire is absolutely in love with her brother. The moment she met him was magical. She instantly wanted to hold him and for about 30 minutes and no one else was allowed to come near him. When someone asked if they could hold him she quickly said "no". She patted him and kissed him and wrapped his blanket tighter. She was quite good at holding him even without my help. Since we have been home she has been wonderful with him. Wants to hold him and teaches him patty cake. Poor guy constantly has a paci shoved in his mouth whether he wants one or not, lol.

Meeting each other for the first time!

Adjusting to life with 2 kids is different. I know it will take some time to get in the swing of things, but we will get there. It is so weird for me to sit back and have someone else cook, clean, and even take care of Claire since I can't lift her until I heal. That is the hardest part for me. I like to be the caretaker and don't get me wrong a break from the housework is nice, it's still weird especially for at least the next 2 weeks. The doctor told me she didn't want me lifting, driving, cooking, cleaning, etc. for the full 6 weeks! I told her that I would try and limit activities, but couldn't promise anything. Not that I don't understand why she told me to take it easy, it just isn't feasible. Eric has to go back to work. Mom and Eric's Mom are more than willing to come stay and help, but I know they have lives at home too. Postpartum hormones suck too. If I get time soon I will sit down and write about those. While society has done a good job bringing light to the postpartum period I still think we need to be more open in discussing the time period that follows having a baby.

Eric thought it was funny to take a picture of me showing to "after" labor, lol

I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful little family. God gave me everything I asked for including laboring on my own, even going 4 days earlier than my due date and having a med free delivery. I still cannot believe I did it. I do think recovery physically has been a little easier this time. It was nice to be able to get up immediately following delivery and the physical pain has actually been a little less. I knew I was uncomfortable at 39 weeks pregnant as every pregnant person tends to be, but now not being pregnant I am amazed at how much better physically I feel even though my body is still healing. It is weird to not be pregnant though. You spend months preparing for this big event and suddenly it is here and over. Especially with Christmas being at about the same time. We prepare and prepare and suddenly it's over. It's weird not to have something "big" coming up. I am anxious to find our new routine and watch my family grow up (but not too quickly).

1 day old

Oh I forgot to add what I did differently to prepare for this delivery. I had heard red raspberry leaf tea was a good uterine toner. So at 32 weeks I started drinking 2-3 cups a day. I think it helped as I had shorter contractions that were effective. I also started taking evening primrose oil at 37 weeks to help soften my cervix. The week I started taking it I went from 0% effaced to 70%. I can't say for sure it helped, but it sure is a coincidence that I effaced after I started taking it. I also remained active walking almost daily and doing prenatal Pilates 3 days a week.

35+ Weeks

I did it! I didn't wait a month to actually update again. On Monday 35 weeks 3 days I had my final ultrasound. It was so good to see little man again! Of course I knew he had grown since we last saw him at 18 weeks, but it's crazy to see how much. At 18 weeks things seemed easier to see and I'm sure they were as he wasn't taking up nearly as much space. My little man or I should say my big little man has grown so much! He is estimated to already weigh 6lbs 10oz! Most likely he will gain around a 1/2 a pound a week so we are looking at possibly close to a 9 pound kiddo! I know the estimates can be off, but considering Claire was an 8 pounder my first, and a girl I have fully expected for Luke to be bigger. I'm just a little scared, lol. I know he will be the perfect size that God intends and as long as he is happy and healthy that is all that matters. The doctor "checked' me to see if anything was happening and like I figured being only 35 weeks nothing was. However she did smile and say she felt his head and he is very low. I kind of figured he was low. I noticed Thanksgiving week he started to drop. Eric started to joke everyday amused at how much each day he dropped. There is no way of knowing when he will decide to come, I just hope he comes on his own and doesn't have to be evicted. The doctor said she will let me go to 41 weeks which would be January 11 at the latest. Luke and I are having daily talks about how he is not to wait that long to come! The 11th seems so far away! I know God has his perfect birthday already picked out though and it is what is best for Luke's health. Here are a few pics from the ultrasound:

I finally got around to taking some photos of Luke's mostly completed room! My mom aka Nana did his bedding and I think it turned out perfect!

Fears

It's amazing how fast time gets away from me! Here I sit here and think the next 5 or so weeks until Luke is born are going to creep by and then I realize just how fast the last 5 weeks have flown by! It's scary and exciting all at the same time. I'm not going to lie I am just a little (ok so a lot) terrified of how to handle 2 kids! I keep telling myself I will adjust quickly and that I won't be able to imagine life without 2 kids. I know this is true, but it still doesn't make the whole process any less terrifying. When I had Claire if we had a rough night I knew I could rest when she finally decided to nap during the day. This time around there is no time for rest unless I get lucky and they both decide to nap at the same time, which is highly unlikely for the first few weeks. I am also sad that my one on one time with Claire is going to be less. I know we will still have lots of time for play together especially the first few weeks when (hopefully) little man sleeps a lot of the time. It's still weird to think that in a few short weeks my world won't revolve solely around her anymore.

Oh don't get me wrong though. I am beyond excited to meet my new little man. I can't wait to snuggle with him and see what he looks like and his personality develop. I know my life will be 2xs as full of love and laughter as it is now. I can't wait to see Claire interact with a sibling. I know giving her a sibling is one of the best gifts we can give her. She already brings me to tears some days with just how sweet she is. Don't get me wrong some days my tears are tears of frustration, but she truly does have a sweet heart. More and more here lately she is loving on my tummy. I'm sure a large part of this is because of how huge it is and it's weird to her, but I can't help to think that she is sensing time is getting close and this "baby" we have talked about for so long will be coming soon. I do tell her he is coming soon and we talk about him often. Her version of Luke is "Upe" and she has started telling me things she will teach him. The other day she was going to teach him how to hop. Today she was saying she is going to hold his hands when he walks. Everyday she says she will give him his paci. I know she will be my little helper and I can't wait to see them interact and their relationship develop. I know as they get older they will fight. I know my brother and I used to beat the crap out of each other, but at the end of the day we love each other.

I am also scared of the whole postpartum process again. I didn't have a terrible time the first time around, but the first 2 weeks I really wasn't myself. I cried for no reason although I was so happy to be a Mommy. I remember Eric asking me what was wrong and I couldn't pinpoint why I was so upset which in turn made me even more upset with myself. I know now it was just the hormones all out of whack, but I'm still terrified of feeling that way again. Plus the lack of sleep and establishing breast feeding. Thankfully Claire was a nursing champ, but her reflux made for an extra fussy baby who just wanted to nurse nonstop from 6-10 every night. I know part of that is normal newborn behavior, but I'm still scared!

On Monday we get to do our last ultrasound. I am excited to see him again! I haven't had an ultrasound since 18 weeks. I am nervous and excited to see his size estimate. I had a dream the other night he came out weighing 13.5 pounds and I went into a deep sleep for a few days because I was in shock, lol. Obviously he shouldn't be 13.5 pounds at birth, but I have a feeling and so does the doctor that he will be a good size boy. My goal is to update again next week with ultrasound pics and information. Let's hope another month doesn't go by without an update because by that point the update could be Luke on the outside world!