It's amazing how fast time gets away from me! Here I sit here and think the next 5 or so weeks until Luke is born are going to creep by and then I realize just how fast the last 5 weeks have flown by! It's scary and exciting all at the same time. I'm not going to lie I am just a little (ok so a lot) terrified of how to handle 2 kids! I keep telling myself I will adjust quickly and that I won't be able to imagine life without 2 kids. I know this is true, but it still doesn't make the whole process any less terrifying. When I had Claire if we had a rough night I knew I could rest when she finally decided to nap during the day. This time around there is no time for rest unless I get lucky and they both decide to nap at the same time, which is highly unlikely for the first few weeks. I am also sad that my one on one time with Claire is going to be less. I know we will still have lots of time for play together especially the first few weeks when (hopefully) little man sleeps a lot of the time. It's still weird to think that in a few short weeks my world won't revolve solely around her anymore.
Oh don't get me wrong though. I am beyond excited to meet my new little man. I can't wait to snuggle with him and see what he looks like and his personality develop. I know my life will be 2xs as full of love and laughter as it is now. I can't wait to see Claire interact with a sibling. I know giving her a sibling is one of the best gifts we can give her. She already brings me to tears some days with just how sweet she is. Don't get me wrong some days my tears are tears of frustration, but she truly does have a sweet heart. More and more here lately she is loving on my tummy. I'm sure a large part of this is because of how huge it is and it's weird to her, but I can't help to think that she is sensing time is getting close and this "baby" we have talked about for so long will be coming soon. I do tell her he is coming soon and we talk about him often. Her version of Luke is "Upe" and she has started telling me things she will teach him. The other day she was going to teach him how to hop. Today she was saying she is going to hold his hands when he walks. Everyday she says she will give him his paci. I know she will be my little helper and I can't wait to see them interact and their relationship develop. I know as they get older they will fight. I know my brother and I used to beat the crap out of each other, but at the end of the day we love each other.
I am also scared of the whole postpartum process again. I didn't have a terrible time the first time around, but the first 2 weeks I really wasn't myself. I cried for no reason although I was so happy to be a Mommy. I remember Eric asking me what was wrong and I couldn't pinpoint why I was so upset which in turn made me even more upset with myself. I know now it was just the hormones all out of whack, but I'm still terrified of feeling that way again. Plus the lack of sleep and establishing breast feeding. Thankfully Claire was a nursing champ, but her reflux made for an extra fussy baby who just wanted to nurse nonstop from 6-10 every night. I know part of that is normal newborn behavior, but I'm still scared!
On Monday we get to do our last ultrasound. I am excited to see him again! I haven't had an ultrasound since 18 weeks. I am nervous and excited to see his size estimate. I had a dream the other night he came out weighing 13.5 pounds and I went into a deep sleep for a few days because I was in shock, lol. Obviously he shouldn't be 13.5 pounds at birth, but I have a feeling and so does the doctor that he will be a good size boy. My goal is to update again next week with ultrasound pics and information. Let's hope another month doesn't go by without an update because by that point the update could be Luke on the outside world!
