Wednesday, December 5, 2012

35+ Weeks

I did it! I didn't wait a month to actually update again. On Monday 35 weeks 3 days I had my final ultrasound. It was so good to see little man again! Of course I knew he had grown since we last saw him at 18 weeks, but it's crazy to see how much. At 18 weeks things seemed easier to see and I'm sure they were as he wasn't taking up nearly as much space. My little man or I should say my big little man has grown so much! He is estimated to already weigh 6lbs 10oz! Most likely he will gain around a 1/2 a pound a week so we are looking at possibly close to a 9 pound kiddo! I know the estimates can be off, but considering Claire was an 8 pounder my first, and a girl I have fully expected for Luke to be bigger. I'm just a little scared, lol. I know he will be the perfect size that God intends and as long as he is happy and healthy that is all that matters. The doctor "checked' me to see if anything was happening and like I figured being only 35 weeks nothing was. However she did smile and say she felt his head and he is very low. I kind of figured he was low. I noticed Thanksgiving week he started to drop. Eric started to joke everyday amused at how much each day he dropped. There is no way of knowing when he will decide to come, I just hope he comes on his own and doesn't have to be evicted. The doctor said she will let me go to 41 weeks which would be January 11 at the latest. Luke and I are having daily talks about how he is not to wait that long to come! The 11th seems so far away! I know God has his perfect birthday already picked out though and it is what is best for Luke's health. Here are a few pics from the ultrasound:










I finally got around to taking some photos of Luke's mostly completed room! My mom aka Nana did his bedding and I think it turned out perfect!





Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Fears

It's amazing how fast time gets away from me! Here I sit here and think the next 5 or so weeks until Luke is born are going to creep by and then I realize just how fast the last 5 weeks have flown by! It's scary and exciting all at the same time. I'm not going to lie I am just a little (ok so a lot) terrified of how to handle 2 kids! I keep telling myself I will adjust quickly and that I won't be able to imagine life without 2 kids. I know this is true, but it still doesn't make the whole process any less terrifying. When I had Claire if we had a rough night I knew I could rest when she finally decided to nap during the day. This time around there is no time for rest unless I get lucky and they both decide to nap at the same time, which is highly unlikely for the first few weeks. I am also sad that my one on one time with Claire is going to be less. I know we will still have lots of time for play together especially the first few weeks when (hopefully) little man sleeps a lot of the time. It's still weird to think that in a few short weeks my world won't revolve solely around her anymore.

Oh don't get me wrong though. I am beyond excited to meet my new little man. I can't wait to snuggle with him and see what he looks like and his personality develop. I know my life will be 2xs as full of love and laughter as it is now. I can't wait to see Claire interact with a sibling. I know giving her a sibling is one of the best gifts we can give her. She already brings me to tears some days with just how sweet she is. Don't get me wrong some days my tears are tears of frustration, but she truly does have a sweet heart. More and more here lately she is loving on my tummy. I'm sure a large part of this is because of how huge it is and it's weird to her, but I can't help to think that she is sensing time is getting close and this "baby" we have talked about for so long will be coming soon. I do tell her he is coming soon and we talk about him often. Her version of Luke is "Upe" and she has started telling me things she will teach him. The other day she was going to teach him how to hop. Today she was saying she is going to hold his hands when he walks. Everyday she says she will give him his paci. I know she will be my little helper and I can't wait to see them interact and their relationship develop. I know as they get older they will fight. I know my brother and I used to beat the crap out of each other, but at the end of the day we love each other.

I am also scared of the whole postpartum process again. I didn't have a terrible time the first time around, but the first 2 weeks I really wasn't myself. I cried for no reason although I was so happy to be a Mommy. I remember Eric asking me what was wrong and I couldn't pinpoint why I was so upset which in turn made me even more upset with myself. I know now it was just the hormones all out of whack, but I'm still terrified of feeling that way again. Plus the lack of sleep and establishing breast feeding. Thankfully Claire was a nursing champ, but her reflux made for an extra fussy baby who just wanted to nurse nonstop from 6-10 every night. I know part of that is normal newborn behavior, but I'm still scared!

On Monday we get to do our last ultrasound. I am excited to see him again! I haven't had an ultrasound since 18 weeks. I am nervous and excited to see his size estimate. I had a dream the other night he came out weighing 13.5 pounds and I went into a deep sleep for a few days because I was in shock, lol. Obviously he shouldn't be 13.5 pounds at birth, but I have a feeling and so does the doctor that he will be a good size boy. My goal is to update again next week with ultrasound pics and information. Let's hope another month doesn't go by without an update because by that point the update could be Luke on the outside world!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Random Thoughts

It's funny I have full intentions of sitting down and blogging all the time. Thoughts and things to talk about pop in my head at such random times. Mostly after little girl has gone to bed (way too busy all day to actually "think" lol). A lot of random thoughts middle of the night when I get up to pee for the 100000x. Then I end up wanting to write them down then and there, but reminding myself sleep is my priority right now. Here lately there have been a lot of random flashbacks to the day we discovered I was experiencing an ectopic pregnancy. For some reason the days leading up to going to the ER when I was having intermittent pain and the day of constant pain I remember thinking "what if I'm crazy"? What if nothing is actually wrong? I remember having the ultrasound in the ER and the tech quietly doing her job.She only made one statement when she was done and that was she told me to wait just a second before getting dressed she wanted to make sure the doctor didn't need to see anything. Even at that point I should have realized something was wrong and I wasn't crazy, but all I could think was I can hardly walk or talk from the pain and they will tell me they don't see anything wrong, go home, and follow up if it gets worse. (It couldn't have gotten worse, the pain was just as bad if not worse than labor).

Anytime I am playing with Claire and crawling on the floor my mind instantly goes back to that day. Crawling across the floor, praying I wasn't going to pass out from the pain. Asking God for the strength to hold on until someone could come get me. Debating whether or not 911 would be the best option or just to wait until someone was able to come. I hate those flashbacks. It was one of the most terrifying days of my life. Maybe only topped by my car accident when I was pregnant with Claire. Sometimes these thoughts are few and far between and others they seem to come more frequently. It dawned on me here lately that the reason they were creeping up more frequently was had that baby been viable he/she would have been due this month. My dear grandfather passed away last week. My Mom made the statement that he was getting to hold and meet that baby now. That made me smile and my heart ache all at the same time. I am reminded though that had it not been for that short little life we wouldn't get to have Luke. That little baby solidified for us that we for sure wanted another child. We had debated for awhile prior whether or not we wanted more children and that was the point we decided to just let nature do it's thing. Unfortunately for us just letting nature do it's thing doesn't always work out like we planned. I completely agree with letting God be in control of every situation and I know he has been in control of all our good and bad situations. I know God has put certain doctors and people in our lives though to help us achieve our family. If we hadn't had trouble conceiving Claire and just gotten pregnant without medication and lab follow up (which the medication required) there is a really good chance I would have miscarried due low progesterone levels. Thankfully through a thorough doctor and medication I was able to sustain that pregnancy and now have a very entertaining 2 year old that I cannot imagine life without. Same with the baby we lost. That one not only reminded us that I tend to have hormone issues when I do conceive, but without that loss I most likely would not have had the lab follow up once I got pregnant with Luke and discovered again like Claire I needed hormone supplementation. After an ectopic the chances for another ectopic increase so anytime you get pregnant afterwards they monitor your hormone levels every 2-3 days to ensure that a.) it doesn't follow the pattern of another ectopic and b.) that everything is progressing normally. I know that God put these doctors in my path for a reason and they are part of his plan in growing our family. I fully trust and believe that even though it was very hard for us to decide how long to go without medical intervention in trying to conceive our family that God timed each one of our children perfectly and that even though we had medical intervention of some sort with each pregnancy it was part of his plan.

I know this blog post is random and may not make a whole lot of sense, but it's just some thoughts I have had over the past few months.

On to baby Luke news he is growing and growing! He is a mover and shaker too! I remember thinking when I was just a few weeks pregnant that once I reached the 30 week mark I would have officially "arrived" haha. Well on Friday I will hit that 30 week mark! Holy cow where has time gone? On the other hand hurry up so I can meet my son already! Claire is excited too. We have got most of the nursery completed and she loves going in there and talking about "baby" or 'ooke" as she calls him. She has also gotten more intrigued by my ever growing belly and loves to lift my shirt and give kisses and then do song requests while she sits in my lap. She likes to sing Old Macdonald, Patty Cake, and several other songs to Luke. He seems to like it too because he will usually reward our tunes with some good kicks and punches. I go back to the doctor on Tuesday for another checkup and hopefully get to find out when the final ultrasound will be! The final countdown seems to be beginning!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Two!

So I apparently suck at keeping up with this thing! Somehow time has flown and a month and half has passed since I last wrote. Speaking of time passing quickly my baby bear is now 2! A whole 2! At one year old one sounded small only one finger. Now she is 2 and loves to tell you that she is 2. I have a talking opinionated 2 year old! Holy moly!

Right before Claire's birthday we took a little trip to visit some dear friends in Jacksonville FL. This was our first family vacation as well as many firsts for Claire. It was her first trip on an airplane. We were so thrilled because since we were flying before her 2nd birthday she didn't require a ticket and therefore was FREE! We quickly learned "free" did come with a price. She really did fabulous for most of the trip there and back. It was the way back restlessness kicked in and we were all tired and ready to be home so I really can't blame her. We got really lucky on the second leg of our flight on the way there. The flight wasn't full and we had an extra seat which really helped because little girl just happened to fall asleep on the way there.

 Playing in the floorboard and looking for new "treats" in Mommy's bag is the most fun ever on a plane!
 
 
While in Florida Claire got to go to the beach for the first time. At first she wasn't so sure of the whole thing. The sand was "dirt" and she doesn't like dirt. While she loves water, water that kept moving on her wasn't really settling well. Luckily after an hour or so warm up of lunch on the beach, playing in the sand building things and a little help from Daddy she ended up LOVING the beach and the ocean.

 
A few days after we got back from Florida was Claire's birthday party. A huge thanks to my family and friends who helped me quickly pull the party together. This year's theme was "tutu's and ties". I thought it was fitting for a 2 year old birthday party. All the the little girls got tutus and the boys got little bow ties. The girls loved their tutus, but as I expected the little boys really could have cared less about wearing their ties. Everyone seemed to have a great time. We served bow tie pasta and did a build your own pasta bar. The kids played outside on the swingset (which was also a birthday present from us and her grandparents) and we had a bouncy house that our wonderful neighbor let us borrow. By the time the party was wrapping up I figured Claire would have been ready to crash for a nap, but boy was I wrong. A combination of grandparents and cake and ice cream made for a hyper and silly birthday girl. Once she did finally crash I did manage to get almost a record 2+ hour nap out of her.
 
Nana made the cake!
 
 Silly princess!
 


 
I thought this was a fun pic to compare how much she has changed since her 1st birthday!
 
Not much new to report in baby Luke news, which I think is a good  thing. Everything is going smoothly. He is growing big and strong and his kicks are showing me exactly how big he has gotten. I am now 25.5 weeks and time feels fast and slow all at the same time. I have been really nervous about going back to the baby stage. I always loved babies and loved Claire being a baby. Every stage has been fun, but for some reason I have been scared about having a baby in the house again. I think partly because I have a toddler now too to chase after. Plus with Claire leaving the house is easy. No diapers and for quick trips I can get away with no drink or a snack. Only one nap to work around. Leaving the house with a baby just requires alot more thought than leaving with a toddler. Although a new baby will sleep (hopefully) through most outings, at least in the beginning. Recently I got to love on some new babies and it made me feel more at ease about taking care of a newborn and a toddler. At least for that moment Claire played with her "baby" and didn't fuss at all. It also amazed me at how quickly taking care of a new baby comes back to you. I was already of course excited to meet my little guy, but now my excitement just grows everyday. I love the "newness" a baby brings and how everyday things we take forgranted such as just smiling, is such a huge deal with a new baby.
 
Not the best picture (it had been a long day), but a 25 week picture.
 

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Big Girl Bed and 18 Week check up

I cannot believe the time has already come for Claire's big girl bed. It makes me happy and sad all at once. We had initially decided to wait until after her birthday to transition her. We wanted to transition her in plenty of time before Luke came in case she had in any issues, but were not in any hurry to do it soon. Well, Claire being Claire, decided she had other plans. Around the middle part of July I caught her trying to escape her crib. I wasn't too concerned as she is a very cautious child and usually won't push too far if something is dangerous. A couple of days went by and I would watch her when she would wake up from her nap to see how far she would push it. Well one day I ran in just in the nick of time to see her teetering with both legs on the top rail. She easily could have fallen off. The search for a big girl bed began. Our first thought was to buy a toddler bed. After some pondering we decided to go ahead and go straight for a twin bed. That way it will hopefully be at least 10 years  before we have to think about a bed for Claire again. After several weeks of shopping Craigslist I found an adorable bed/dresser set that was higher end furniture in good condition. So last Saturday we made the switch. I was nervous how she would do, but Claire loves her night night time and was super excited about her new bed. When we unveiled her big girl room and bed to her she cheered and clapped. She is super happy about being able to get in and out on her own. The first few days she would still lay in bed and call for me. One morning she surprised me by opening my door at 6:30 in the morning grinning and asking for "Daddy" and "nummy nummy" (food). Only one night at about 2:30 a.m. a screaming Claire came running to our door asking for Daddy. We figured it was a bad dream and within 5 minutes and some Mommy and Daddy love she quickly fell back asleep. Fingers crossed everything continues to go smoothly.




This past week we had Luke's anatomy scan. We are thrilled to report he is growing beautifully and a very active little boy. The last 2 ultrasounds I've had and the last time I was at the doctor and she listened to him on the doppler 3 separate people have commented "wow he is an active one". It was awesome seeing him move and wiggle so much, but I'm also a little nervous for just how busy of a boy he will be! Claire keeps me very busy, but she has also been a fairly calm child, well as calm as an almost 2 year old can be. The tech on Monday told me to be thankful the active one is the second child and that way Claire can help entertain him. All joking aside I am extremely excited for my busy little man to get here! He is also growing rapidly! He has consistently measure ahead the whole time. I know exactly when he was conceived so there is no way the dates are off. Nothing majorly ahead, but his head does measure a full week bigger! Eeeek!  The rest of him measures within 2-4 days ahead. I think I may have a big boy on my hands. I'm scared! Claire was 8 pounds, my first, and a girl. The second is usually bigger plus this one's a boy! All I care is he grows happy and healthy and gets here safely. Here are a few pics from the ultrasound. Eric was thrilled the tech labled the pictures. He said he could actually identify what was in them since they were clearly labled, lol.








Sunday, July 22, 2012

God's Plans vs. Our Plans

Somehow another month has passed since I last posted. Here I thought this pregnancy was dragging and now a month has flown by without me even realizing it! We did end up to the early gender test after all. In the moment when the lab tech asked if we would be doing the test or not I made a silly pouty face at Eric. I was totally playing and we had already discussed we would be waiting to do the test (which I was totally fine with). Eric was feeling generous in the moment. Just an hour before we went in he got a call that he was promoted to the Conroe store as Store Manager. He told the tech to draw the extra blood for test! I was so excited! I was stressed that when it came time to do the gender ultrasound that the little one might not cooperate and we wouldn't get a confident answer. The blood test is over 98% accurate and as a bonus we got to find out 5-8 weeks early. We are happy to announce that Claire is going to have a baby BROTHER! Luke Thomas Westerman! I was shocked when I heard it was a boy. I always wanted one of each, but was totally fine and so was Eric with having all girls. We knew that 2 kids is what we wanted (unless God has other plans) and no matter what this baby was we were going to be "done". I kept thinking it would be another girl. After loosing the little one in February I kind of thought maybe that was our boy. We are so happy to be having one of each. I'm not real sure yet what to do with a boy, haha. No bows? No dresses? What am I going to do? Leaving the house will be so much faster! I love knowing what the baby is early. It truly helps us as a family bond with the baby more, especially with Claire. We call him by name, tell Claire about baby Luke. We don't say "the baby", we say Luke! I think waiting to find out until the day the baby is born would be amazing, but the day we found out with both kids was an amazing day as a family.

With Claire rapidly approaching 2 it dawned on me the other day that I haven't worked in nearly 2 years! It feels like only yesterday I had a job outside the home and at the same time feels like a million years ago. I worked in a very corporate environment and really did enjoy my job for the most part (of course nothing could every compare to being a stay at home mom). Anyway, before I had kids part of me wanted to stay home and the other part of me wanted to have it all. The family and the career. I really put my all into my job and tried to move up the ladder. For the first few years I felt like I kept hitting wall after wall. Never going anywhere. Several years in, the company I was working for announced they were opening up a new division. Something in me felt led to speak up and say I wanted to be a part of that division. I was so excited when they eagerly said I could be a part of the division. I thought this was finally my chance. God had opened a door for me to climb the ladder. Getting in on something from basically the ground up and being one of the firsts involved. I told myself to put my all into it and learn everything and every angle I could. Looking back I know I was naive to think hard work and being one of the firsts was all it was going to take, but I was young and eager. I truly did put in my all. In my downtime I spent time researching the industry, reading product manuals, underwriting guidelines, all the nitty gritty stuff that no one wants to read and learn about. I vowed I would be the girl with all the answers. In a way I was. As the division grew men who had been in the industry 20+ years came to me with questions. As time progressed and I didn't move up like I thought I "should" I became discouraged. It seemed like no matter how hard I worked I still wouldn't be a good as the guys. I learned that industry and career experience often means more than having a Masters Degree. It was a lesson I needed to learn. That having a degree is great and useful, but it also takes time and experience to go somewhere. A few short years, a degree, and being a knowledge hound does not equal getting where you think you deserve to be. The most important thing I learned that God's plans and our plans do not always go hand in hand. I remember trying so hard to move up in the corporate world while at the same time struggling to become a mom. Crying night after night asking God what is it he wants for me? I'm busting my butt to get promoted and struggling to conceive a child and not getting either thing I was asking for. I'm sure God was rather frustrated with me as he tried to tell me to wait for his timing and all I could to was complain. Little did I know he was going to give me everything and more I ever wanted. Claire came along and changed my world forever. I never dreamed I would be able to be a stay at home Mom. I even fought it and tried to tell God I knew better. That I had to work at least part time to make ends meet. Then he closed every part time door in my face. The money still doesn't make sense, but month after month God makes sure the bills get paid. We don't go without anything we need. Sure we had to cut back on bills and luxury items and we will drive our cars until they die, but being able to watch my children grow and learn every day all day is a bigger blessing than driving fancy cars or having a big house.

For some reason it took me nearly 2 years to figure out a reason why God allowed me to join the new division of my old company, but not to climb where I thought I should go. Now I am able to stay home with my daughter and future son and still able to keep my foot in the door. I sell insurance from home at my leisure to bring in some extra income and do some servicing work for an agency on the side. It isn't a lot, but every little bit helps. If I hadn't felt led to join that division and then given the opportunity to do so I would not at all have been able to work from home. It's a much needed slap on the forehead from God reminding me his plans are always a gazillion times better than we could have ever imagined and just to sit back and let him take the reigns! When I was pregnant with Claire and planning on paying daycare I always worried if we would be able to afford additional children. Daycare is pricey, especially in Houston, and there was no way we could afford daycare for more than one child. God sure did work out that worry. Stay home and no daycare cost to worry about!

 Sure having another child will of course cost more money, but truly the first year is relatively inexpensive for a second child. We have all the basics, and I plan on breastfeeding again. The biggest expense is getting an extra bed and few other things like a double stroller. Over all nothing like $800+ per child per month in day care cost. We can hopefully get everything Luke will need for less than one month's day care cost.

 Hopefully my rambling makes sense. Just something I wanted to share about learning that God's plans vs our own and God's plans are always better than we could ever imagine. We just have to sit back and let God do his thing and quit trying to tell him we know better than he does.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Life is full of suprises

Unfortunately it will be a few weeks before I can actually share this post. I sure hope I get to share it. Ever since losing our little one in February we decided that  there was no time like the present to start "trying" to expand our family. Something about losing a baby we never even knew about made us feel like we were ready to make Claire be a big sister. At my post op at the end of March my doctor told me that if we were ready to try again to call her when I got my first period following surgery and she would schedule a HSG test to make sure my remaining functioning tube was good and open. She also said since we conceived without any "help" this last time she would give us 3 months before starting any type of fertility drugs.  Lo and behold the very next day after I saw the doctor it arrived. I called that morning and they scheduled my HSG for the following Friday (the Friday before Easter). Long story short, great news the tube is open and looks great.

 One of my downfalls is I have some minor control issues. I need to feel in control so when we decided to proceed I immediately started temping once my cycle returned and ordered some OPKs. Since I have never had regular cycles I had no idea what to expect this cycle. I got lucky and actually ovulated on day 19. I also was about 95% sure I ovulated from my "good" side with the functioning tube. Our timing was good too. Not knowing what to expect my doctor had already scheduled me for day 21 labs to see if I ovulated. Since I only ovulated 2 days prior my progesterone results fell in the "iffy" zone and the nurse said it didn't look like I ovulated. Well, this was one time I did know better than lab numbers so I wasn't overly worried. I really just didn't feel confident about this cycle though. I just had a feeling it wasn't going to happen this time. I told myself I was going to wait the full 2 weeks until I broke out the pregnancy test. Well, I lasted 10 days, haha. In retrospect I should have waited a few more days, but oh well. What really made me want to test that early was the day prior I was sitting on the couch with Claire. She went to get off the couch, but instead stopped and laid her head on my stomach and said "awww". I said "I love you too" and patted her head. Then she looked at me and said "shhhh". She put her head back down for a few more seconds and then looked up at me again and said "baby". I was stunned. I didn't know if she really did "know" something I didn't or if it was a fluke. I will obviously never know if she was trying to tell me something, but I like to think she was.

Anyway the next morning I took a cheap test that was bundled with the OPKs I ordered weeks prior. I *thought* I saw a faint line, but I couldn't tell if it was truly a line or the hope in my head making it appear that way. Ugh. So I held my pee another 4 hours and took another one. The line did appear faint again and maybe slightly darker. I immediately thought this is what I get for trusting a cheapo test. I decided to forget this guessing game and spend the money on a digital. I ran to the store and got one. Then I debated testing again the same day or just waiting until in the morning to take it. I just couldn't wait. I know digital tests usually aren't as sensitive so I wasn't very optimistic in seeing "pregnant" pop up especially since the other line was so very faint. I took it and walked away to get Claire dressed to go play outside in the water. I almost forgot to go back and check it before we went outside. I ran to go look and almost fainted when I saw the magic word "pregnant". I was seriously speechless. I immediately text Brandi and a picture and said "holy crap". Eric wouldn't be home for another 3-4 hours and I had to tell someone! I debated making a big deal about it with Eric. With what happened last time and the chances of this one actually being in the right place and sticking for the full 9 more months all I had was doubt in my head. Thank God for good friends. Brandi convinced me I would regret it if I didn't do something cute to share the news with Eric. So I ran out and found a "Big Sister" shirt. We always meet Eric in the driveway when he gets home from work. It's one of mine and Claire's favorite moments of the day. We are both so happy to see him and Claire's excitement is contagious. I wondered how long it would  take him t notice her shirt. To my surprise he noticed almost immediately. He said "what does her shirt say?" I got a goofy grin and said "you know what it says". He said "how do you know". I said "a test, dummy".


So there you have it. Another Baby Westerman is on the way. I will call the doctor first thing Monday to do lab work and hope and pray this one is meant to meet us in early January. I am in such shock still and trying not to over analyze everything. I feel so very blessed and fortunate to have this happen so quickly. So many emotions run through me at every moment. I feel so undeserving of this miracle. There are so many women who have experienced many more trials and hardships than I have on their journey to create a family. I won't take one single moment for granted. (Friends, please remind me of this often especially if I start complaining about being uncomfortable later on). I can do nothing except give the glory to God.
Part 2
Monday morning 4/30/2012 I went for labs and yay my HCG was 108! I have to go back Wednesday to make sure my HCG is doubling like it should. The nurse said the labs looked good and my progesterone level was high enough that the chances of it being another ectopic are low. Keeping my fingers crossed that everything continues to look good!

Part 3
Wednesday 5/2/2012- Repeated labs. HCG doubled to 254, but progesterone dropped to 12. Starting me on progesterone supplements. I had progesterone issues with Claire too. So nervous about the dropping progesterone, but keeping my fingers crossed the medicine does it's job. I nearly passed out when I picked up the meds though. With Claire I was on an oral medication. Let's just say this one isn't oral and about 10x the cost! It is worth it though. Repeating labs on Monday and doing an ultrasound sometime next week to check to make sure the baby is in the right place this time.

Part 4 
Monday 5/7/2012 Repeated labs HCG has gone up to over 1800 which is great. Bad news is progesterone dropped again to 9.6. Doubling progesterone meds. Scheduled ultrasound for Wednesday. Panic is setting in. I am so terrified of losing this baby. I don't know if I can handle losing another one. I know God is in control and is the ultimate physician and I also know God's plans are greater than our own. Trying to accept whatever his plan is and know that he is bigger than lab numbers and meds.

Part 5
Wednesday 5/9/2012 Did ultrasound. 5 weeks and 1 day. I had to do the ultrasound in the outpatient imaging center and not at the doctors office. Not too thrilled about that especially sense the tech is allowed to tell me anything argh! I will say though this tech was really nice and was able to tell me a little. She sympathized and said she had been in my shoes before. She saw the gestational sac and it was in the correct place. Did not see any signs of an ecoptic. Wasn't sure if she saw the yolk sac though which she said was normal being so early. Told me my doctor should call me before end of day. Longest day ever! Finally at 4:45 the nurse called. She said everything looked great. They DID see the yolk sac which was great. Baby is in the upper part of the uterus which is apparently better than being in the lower. Scheduled me to come back in 12 days to repeat ultrasound and hopefully see the baby and the heartbeat. I feel some relief after this scan. I was really not wanting to do one this early because I knew I wouldn't see a heartbeat which freaks me out even though it is normal. Knowing that everything looks as it should does make me feel better. I am still terrified of losing this little one. The first trimester really sucks. Even though it is technically the shortest trimester since I was already 1 month when I found out, but it definitely feels like the longest. I remember it with Claire, but pushed it to the back of my mind. I am so anxious for it to be over. I know things aren't guaranteed after the 1st trimester, but the danger does drop.

I forgot to add that we told our families on Mother's day! It was killing me not to tell my Mom. Longest 2 weeks ever! Mom isn't stupid though. I tell her everything and  she knew I was too quiet! We made the Grandmother's a cute mother's day card with Claire wearing her big sister shirt. It took them a minute to figure it out, but they were both super excited!

Part 6
Monday 5/21/2012 Today was amazing! I anxiously awaited the 1:00 appointment to see my little bean. Praying for a little beating heart. I see the sack, and the doctor moving the wand around to get a good look and then I saw it, the little flickering bean!! Measuring 7 weeks and 1 day. 2 days ahead of what I thought I was. Not a big difference, but still 2 days further along means 2 days closer! Gave me my official due date of January 4, 2012! I love that Claire was due 1 day after my birthday and this little one is due 4 days after Eric's and 3 days after my Mom's! December is full and I do mean full of Westerman birthdays. So if it comes early there is no telling who it might share a birthday with. I really like the doctor I am seeing. She is being extra precautious with me. Told me I could still work out, but to walk or use the elliptical. No running which is a bummer, but I will do whatever to ensure this little one's safety. She also knows how nervous I am about everything and said she would see me once a week for as long as I want! Wow! So for now I will get to go in once a week to check the litte bean's progress! Oh I almost forgot to mention. When I was pregnant with Claire I never got sick, not even nausous. Oh ,but let me tell you this one is completely different! I have been so nausous on top of having a UTI and I just feel blah. But I don't care. I count my blessings to have the little one.

Part 7
Tuesday May 29,2012. My flickering bean is now a flickering teddy grahm. It's really cool to get weekly scans and see the amazing difference 1 weeks makes in it's growth. Its unbelievable that the little bean now has little stubby arms and legs and a definite head! Measuring 8 weeks and 2 days! What's cool is I have an ultrasound of Claire at the exact same time so I had fun comparing the 2 photos. Doctor told me that at 11 weeks I go could off the Progesterone. I'm excited to be off of it, but nervous as well. She assures me that the placenta will be starting to work by then. Going back in a week to check progress again. I love seeing the little one and checking on it weekly, but I know God has his hand on this baby.

Part 8
I've now seen my flickering bean turn into a teddy graham and now at 11 weeks into a little alien ;-). I call it my alien because it looks alienish with it's little eyes staring right at me. Oh how I love this baby. Claire is always amused with my weekly appointments. I tell her she will see the baby in Mommy's tummy on the screen. Sometimes she pays attention other times she plays her games on my iPhone. The doctor assures me the baby looks amazing! Yolk sac is still there, but could see the placenta forming. Another anterior placenta like with Claire. No big deal just means I will feel the baby later.

The following 3 pictures are weeks 9, 10, and 11.




 I go to do genetic testing on Monday 6/25. Not something the doctor usually does, but told me she will let me know whatever I want. Genetic testing will not change the outcome for us. Any baby is a gift from God. However for me and my control issues I would rather know as early as possible. To give myself time to research and learn as much as possible about any possible issues. Of course there is no way to know everything that could be wrong, but the testing will test for major chromosomal issues. With Claire we did the same thing and as a bonus we got to find out with high certainty that she was a girl. This time they offer the same test however it isn't free like it was with Claire. Which is a bummer. I would love to know at 13 weeks what this baby is however since I am now a stay at home Mom, saving the extra money is important and can go to several more needed things. Therefore we will be waiting until August to find out via ultrasound. Eric said he was just as content wating until the baby is born! I told him he is crazy! There is no way I can wait that long! I know it would be an amazing moment for all of us, but so will the ultrasound! We pretty much have agreement on a boy's name however if it is a girl poor thing may not have a name for a while! Therefore name suggestions are welcome! We can't agree on anything. I know it's super early to be thinking of names, but it's still fun!

So there you have it. A recap of the last 8 weeks. When I think back over everything I am still in awe of how amazing God is. Who would have thought that 1. I would get pregnant our first cycle trying. After trying for Claire I was convinced I was in for a long wait. 2. that I would get pregnant with only 1 tube immediately. I know that it certainly isn't impossible to conceive with 1 tube, but I being the researcher I am, learned that it usually does take longer than average. 3. No fertility drugs needed! I had 2 doctors encourage me after Claire that the second one can usually be conceived with no help. Not wanting to get my hopes up I didn't whole heartedly believe it, but WOW they were right!  We are so excited to get to finally share this with everyone! With the exception of our immediate family and several close friends we consider our family no one has known. Our friends and family have been so super supportive and without their constant prayers and encouragement I don't know if we would have survived these past 2 months. We are so blessed to have friends and family we can call day or night and let us cry, share joy, and pray with us. You know who you are and we love you!


Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Grandparent Fun!

Last week Claire and I had the opportunity to spend the week at my parent's house. Eric had training out of town all week and there was no way I was spending the week by myself. We haven't got to spend a lot of time in the country this year so we thought it was the perfect week to go! Claire had sooo much fun and Nana and Pappaw's house. She completely exhausted herself and Nana. With 15 acres to explore little girl was never ever bored. Plus the 2 story house was super fun to scale the stairs over and over and over. After the first day there everytime she would go down the stairs she would groan. We finally figured out it was becuase her little legs were sore from going up and down so much, but that didn't even begin to slow her down. She played outside as much as she could. We discovered we had to lock the front door because she would escape to go out and play. My parent's front door handle was just within her reach and they have a big front porch that covers the entire length of their house. Running around on the porch was so much fun to her. She would run around the side and hide behind the bay window and wait for someone to come looking for her and then giggle and run. Pappaw had to work 7-7 everyday so unfortunately she didn't get to see him but for a few minutes at night, but all day she was put on a sad face and voice and ask for "paw paw". She was Nana's little shadow. If Nana went out of sight she would run through the house calling "Nana, Nana'. On Friday Eric made it back from training and spent the weekend with us. Sunday was our anniversary so on Saturday afternoon we took Claire to Mimi's house in Waco to play while we went on our first day in almost 2 years! Claire had so much fun with Mimi! Well, until bathtime and she flipped out because she thought she was going to have to go to bed without seeing Momma and Daddy. Thankfully Aunt Kayla settled her down and she even fell asleep in Kayla's arms.




Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Play Date Fun!

We are so very blessed to have such amazing friends. What's also amazing is all of our kids are within a few years of each other. Most of my friends are also stay at home mommies or only work part time which works out great for play dates. Let's be honest play dates for the kids are really for the Moms. No not really they are for the kids to socialize and learn from each other, but I can't lie if I said the Moms don't benefit as well. We have so much fun watching our kids play together and having adult conversations with each other! We laugh and share stories our husbands probably would be embarrassed about if they knew we told each other. We vent about various things, share serious things, bounce ideas off each other, pray together, and learn from each other.

I always mean to take pictures from our play dates to have memories later of when all of the kids were little, but most of the time I forget my camera or just plain get caught up yacking that I just forget. On our last play date I actually remembered to take pictures! It also helped that it was at my house and the camera was in my sight! Here are a few pictures from that day:



 Playing in the pool!
Claire's friend Avery. I love the pure joy on her face!

 Claire and Christian contemplating stealing their Mommy's drinks.
 Wagon ride in the back yard.
 Score! We stole their lemonade!
 Discussing how yummy the drinks are.
 You got any more friend?

Monday, April 9, 2012

It's the Small Things


My daughter teaches me so much about life. Lately it has been about enjoying the little moments in life. She get's so excited over the smallest things. She doesn't want big expensive things. She can have fun with a $1 shovel and a pail of water. Too often we all get caught up in wanting bigger and better things. A bigger house, a better paying job, more of this or that. We have all heard it before, but all the money in the world cannot buy you happiness. Of course there is nothing wrong with trying to better yourself or your family just remember not to let it consume you. Take joy in the small moments, don't stress over a little extra housework or being a few minutes late. (I know I am always late and I really do try to be on time). The other day I was cooking dinner or doing something in the kitchen. While I'm cooking I let Claire play out back. I open the blinds so I can watch her and leave the backdoor cracked open so she can come in and out. She was out playing in her sandbox and running through the yard with Cooper. Next thing I know Cooper comes inside. Poor guy is getting old and doesn't like the heat for long. A few seconds later here comes Claire. I hear her "I'm up to something giggle". I was busy and not paying a lot of attention to what she was up to. Then I hear her break out into uncontrollable laughter. That of course caught my attention. What had she done? She carried a fist full of sand into the living room and fairy dusted the poor dog. (When I was in kindergarten I got in trouble for fairy dusting the boys, more on that some other time) I couldn't help but laugh. She was so proud of herself and the dog looked so sad.  In that moment I could get mad for having to re vacuum the living room or enjoy seeing the look of utter joy and satisfaction on my daughter's face. I chose the latter. Although we did have a firm conversation later about keeping sand outside.

Little girl is my little fish or "ish" as she calls them. She loves the water. Her water table has seriously been the best toy investment we have bought her. The other day we were outside playing and I look up and she decided to turn the water table into a pool.

She was so proud of herself for climbing in there. She had a blast splashing everywhere. I decided that maybe she needs a swimming pool. Last year I bought her a blow up pool that holds like 3 inches of water. It is still in good shape and even has a canopy over it, but I get so tired of blowing that thing up. It slowly looses air and by a day later it's time to blow it up again. She didn't need anything fancy so we went and got her a traditional plastic pool. We splurged haha and got her one with a slide. The kid loves slides and Eric thought she would like the slide. We greatly underestimated just how much she would like it. She LOVES it. Eric put it out back tonight and I had no intentions of letting her in it tonight. The sun had gone down and it was close to dinner time. Well, her infectious excitement watching Eric set it up spoke to my heart. I put the hose in it and filled it up and let her hop in with clothes and all. She giggled and splashed. Poor thing was freezing, but she didn't care.We had to plead with her to come inside to eat. Take lessons from your children. They know how to have a blast doing things we might overlook.