Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Mommy Issues and Worries

 As Moms we are natural worriers. We want to "fix" things ourselves for our children. Often times we get a slight rush when we are able to fix the situation, we are proud of ourselves. (I know most of the time I feel like I have blindfolds on as  I navigate this whole parenting thing so when I do figure out the answer to something I am quite proud). Any time one of my little ones are hurt, upset, etc. I immediately jump into trying everything I know about fixing that situation. Panicking often to find the right solution. For instance the other day I allowed Claire to have a hard piece of candy (nothing unusual she does well with things like that), but this piece was bigger than normal and I even debated cutting it in half. In a hurry to clean up whatever mess was in my path I gave it to her. The next thing I know is she is whining (nothing new here) and trying to get my attention. It got stuck in her throat! I knew she could breathe based on the whining, but it scared her. So I yanked her up and patted her on her back and out it flew. (Several good lessons learned here for me). I am not saying we shouldn't try and fix the situation ourselves, that is part of what makes us good parents. What I have learned however with my own children and watching friends situations is that sometimes we are to do nothing. Well not exactly nothing, but more specifically we are to pray and give the situation over to  God.  Psalms 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God". Even the small things. Even screaming babies. They are his children after all. Enstrusted to us on Earth to care for, but still his. With Luke's reflux I feel like I tried every solution in the book. Various medications, a specialist, homeopathic remedies, you named it I tried it. Yes in this situation medication did fix the problem (Praise God). However I found myself complaining once again "why did it take 2.5 months to get the right medication"? "This is my last baby, why did I not get to fully enjoy his first 2.5 months"? You named it I complained about it. In the back of my head that verse kept repeating in my head, but being the stubborn person I am I kept saying "yes God I do know that so come on already and make this kid feel better". God response was "you still aren't getting it"! While in my head I knew He could and would take care of the situation my heart was not fully trusting in Him. What I realized is it was my fault I didn't make the most of the situation. I was tired, frustrated, recovering from delivery and all I could do was think about myself.

Finally not screaming his entire "tummy time"

A new car seat and much more enjoyable car trips

I've always liked to think of myself as an unselfish person. Givin g to others brings me great joy. What has hit me like a ton of bricks these last few months is I am a very selfish person. I've whined about lack of sleep, whined about not having enough time to do what "I" want to do, saying "haven't I earned this or that"? I've been frusterated more than once with the kids "why can't you just go to sleep or just be happy playing on your own for a few minutes so I can do xyz"? Don't get me wrong I absolutely love staying home with my babies and wouldn't trade it for the world. What I finally realized and I mean really realized is my job as a stay at home mom is to care for my babies. I don't stay home so I can work out, or so I can catch up on a show, or even catch a nap. My job during the day is my kids. To be frusterated with them when I don't get to do whatever I want to do isn't fair. Please don't interpret this as me saying we are to be consumed with our kids all day every day. Any mom knows a break is always well deserved, earned, and needed and encouraging indepedent play is a good thing. For me I have realized probably half of my arguments with Claire stem from me trying to do something else other than care for her. Eric has helped me realize this too. Since I am home most of the time by default most of the housework falls on me. Some days I stress more and more as the laundry stacks higher and the dirt on the floors continues to accumulate. Right after Claire was born and I began staying home Eric and I argued about the lack of housework that was done. Prior to kids housework was very 50/50. I did all the cooking, but cleaning and laundry we shared. He assumed since I was at home I would manage to accomplish it and I was trying to figure out a new baby and just assumed it would continue as usual. After a heart to heart we figured out a way to make it all work. Since Luke was born that routine has had to shift again. Eric has been great about reminding me my primary job is caring for the kids. He understands why some days I get more done than others.

It's so cliche, but time goes so quickly with our  children. In a few short years Claire will be in school and shortly after that Luke too. I am beyond blessed to be able to stay at home with them. When I look back I know I won't regret sleeping less, having a stack of laundry, not always having make up on, or running that extra mile, but I will regret my selfish attitude and missing out on the joy being a mom brings me.

God is continuing my lesson in fully trusting in Him with Claire. Claire is a smart, funny, witty little girl. People who know her know she is shy and it takes her a while to warm up and she is quiet in a group. At home she is constantly chattering, being noisy, and getting into 2 year old mischief.

Outside of my family I've only shared my concerns with her speech with two close friends. I've felt as if talking about it out loud might make others look at her differently or think she just isn't that smart (believe me the kid is too smart for her own good). At her 2 year check up Claire had over 100 words and that vocabulary list has probably doubled since then. She says a ton of words. The problem is she will not put any two words together. She only speaks one word at a time. We describe her as a cave woman when she speaks. The other issue is her pronounciation. Yes, I realize 2 year olds are often difficult to understand, but I have to translate more words than not. She is able to communicate with us and get her needs met fine. Some of the words she says and understands even suprise me, but when I hear other kids her age or younger say 3 and 4 word sentences I know something is off. Kids develop at their own pace and I get that, but the way she speaks and the errors she makes are more than just a developmental thing. Last week we finally had her evaluated with ECI. Good news is she is on par or above at all other cognitve skills except expressive language. Her receptive language and other cognitive skills are so high that the way ECI scores kids to qualifiy them for therapy push her overall score too high to qualify her for services. The speech therapist agreed her expressive language is behind and with the speech errors she is making that she does need therapy. They advised us to seek private speech therapy. This is again another situation I cannot control. I have really struggled giving it over to God completely. Speech isn't a medical condition that a pill can fix. Speech is something that even with therapy she may not speak normally. This terrifies me. A person's speech is how the world initially gets to know them. Kids in school are hard enough without adding something like this to it. You name it I have found a reason not to trust God enough to handle it. Yet another time when God is telling me to just "be still". It is always things such as this that looking back is always a "wow" moment. Able to see just how God's hand has been over the entire situation. So for now I will be still. I will pray and I will trust that God has his hand on my little girl. After all this is the same God that brought the dead to life and has healed countless others. With God in control what do I have to be afraid of?

1 comment:

  1. Julie, I always look forward to your blog posts because I can count on you to just be honest and that is so refreshing in a world where you have to 'be perfect all the time' or you're automaticlaly considered a bad parent.

    It's not wrong to be a little selfish, we do all deserve that right - parenting is hard, and even harder when you're at home doing it 24/7. I can totally relate to that feeling where you are frustrated out of selfishness towards your kids. I find I do this with Lillie too and I have to step back from the moment before I yell at her for no reason other than I was trying to do something else. I think as long as we recognize it and try to fix it to the best of our abilities, that's all we can do.

    Claire is going to be just fine. She has two wonderful parents who are going to do everything for her that they can - I think your "be still" advice is fantastic and I'm going to incorporate that into my life too. Sometimes in the flurry of life it's easy to forget that it's in God's hands.