Stay At Home Mommy!

Yes it's true! I am officially a stay at home Mommy!!!! I am so behind so I will try and give you the short version. The first part of December I met with my boss and poured my heart out to her that God was calling me not to work full time or at least full time away from my daughter. I was as open and honest as I could be. Eric and I had been talking and crunching numbers and determined we would make it work on part of my salary. More importantly we felt that God was calling us to take a step of faith and trust that he would provide on half of my salary. The meeting with my boss went good I thought. She said she understood as she herself is pregnant and wanted to work with me and she would get back to me the week before Christmas. The week before Christmas was a busy week. My Dad had major back surgery so Mom, Claire, and I spent most of the week back and forth from the hospital. Eric was in Houston working half the week. I really didn't expect to get a call back from my boss I figured I would have to call her back. Well she did call back, sort of. HR ended up calling to inform me that all they could offer me was my full time position and nothing else. I asked HR (who was fabulous throughout the entire process) to try and negotiate something partially from home and partially from the office and I would do full time hours. Again HR called back and said the only position she as willing to offer was full time from the office. I was baffled. So many people before me were allowed to at least go part time. I knew the work at home request was a long shot, but what was so wrong about part time? I was even more baffled because I knew in my heart God did not want me to be away from my daughter full time. I started second guessing myself. Maybe I wasn't hearing God correctly maybe I was supposed to work full time since that was the only option. We had done the numbers in our budget a 100xs. Part time was going to be a stretch so at that point quitting wasn't an option. Eric and I decided I would have to go back to work full time until I could find something part time or from home. Eric and I prayed and prayed for an answer. I knew that I would have to suck it up and go back to work. Eric kept telling me it would only be temporary. In my heart I just didn't have a peace about it. The thought crossed my mind that maybe I should quit my job. Every time that thought came into my head I quickly shoved it out because that was just not financially possible. I had not mentioned that thought to Eric because of how completely impossible it was. We had so many people praying for us. One of my dear friends told me that maybe God was asking us to take an even bigger step of faith, even bigger than working part time or waiting it out until something part time came along. Maybe God was giving us the clear answer we asked for and that answer was I was supposed to quit completely. For several days I pondered what she had told me and spent countless hours talking to God. I did not say anything to Eric until after Christmas about this thought. Part of me was afraid of what he would think. I have always been so financially cautious. Saving as much as I could. Coupon clipping, deal hunting, 401k saving. I was afraid he would think I had completely lost my mind by discussing quitting completely. Finally on our way back to Houston after Christmas I shared the conversation my friend had with me. I told him I did not want a response or even to hear his thoughts yet. I wanted him to spend the next day or 2 praying about it and then we would discuss it. I told him I was not trying to sway him one way or the other and made sure I presented it unbiased. I had already asked God that if what he wanted was for me to quit that my husband ask me to quit. I did not want to have to convince Eric what I felt God was asking. I wanted Eric to feel the conviction I felt. Guess what, Eric did feel that conviction. He came back to me after several days and said he knew financially it didn't make any sense, but he had a peace that God was going to take care of us and what God wanted for our family was for me to stay home with our daughter.

In order for me staying at home to remotely work out we first had to arrange some of our finances. We both have a lot of student loan debt. We have been paying diligently for the last 4 years on them. Paying quite a bit extra than the minimum due. Again the financially conscious part of me wanted to pay them off as quickly as possible so we paid substantially more premium. When we looked at our budget again the exact amount needed for me to stay home was the exact amount a month we pay on these loans. We decided that we would call all the lenders and request a break in payment for several months since we had paid so much extra. Not a permanent fix, but it does give us several months to figure something out. Unfortunately this could not be accomplished overnight and I had already told work I would be back January 3. Oh how I dreaded January 3. Cried and cried Sunday night. There was no avoiding it. I was going to have to go to work Monday. We had been paying the sitter for months to hold Claire's spot so Monday rolled around and I went to work and Claire went to the sitter. I have never felt so awful in my entire life. My stomach was in knots. It didn't get any better when the sitter text me that she couldn't get Claire to eat and finally got an ounce down her using a medicine dropper. Work also had changed a lot of my job duties and there were several other hiccups that morning that made the day even more stressful. We used our lunch hour to call as many lenders as we could and somehow managed to arrange everything with all, but 2 of them. 2 of our loans do not have any alternative payment options and therefore have to continue our monthly payments. Monday evening I picked Claire up and she had been screaming for hours. She was starving and refused to eat most of the day. In 10 hours she had only eaten 4 ounces. I immediately burst into tears when I saw her. She was hoarse from crying so much and inconsolable. It took me nearly and hour to get her calm enough to eat. At that moment I knew we had made the right decision. Eric and I decided Tuesday I would give my notice to work. This was not what God wanted for our family. Work told me that I could not come back anymore if I didn't want to. I tried to give a 2 week notice, but they told me it was not necessary. I decided I would finish the week out. It did not feel right to leave mid week without a word to anyone else. Almost everyone at work was supportive of our decision. Several people did say I didn't give it long enough and that it does get easier. I know we would have gotten into a routine and things would have gotten easier if I would have stayed, but I also know that God didn't want that for our family.

We all survived the week. I don't think I have ever been so stressed in my entire life as I was last week. We both feel such a peace about our decision. For something that financially doesn't make a lot of sense for us to have such a peace can only be God's doing.

On another note Claire's first Christmas was so much fun. We had so much going on with my Dad's surgery, my grandfather was sick in the hospital, my work drama, but Christmas was so fun. Claire is so blessed to have so many wonderful friends and family. It looks like we robbed a toy store. That kid should not be bored for a very long time. Every day she is more and more fun. She has started to giggle and laughs more and more everyday. She has also mastered rolling over from back to tummy and now thinks that little bit of mobility is super fun.

Here is our most recent picture of her. My Mom got her this dress and I think she looks beautiful in it.

Sorry this post is so long. If you made it this far, thanks for sticking with it! I promise I will try and not go so long between posts. I also promise to get some of the Christmas pictures uploaded in the next week. There are some really cute ones of Claire and the family!