Reclaiming myself

For nearly 3 years now I feel like my body and mind have been on "loan". Almost 3 years ago we decided that a baby Westerman would be a good idea. Little did we know (although looking back I kind of always knew) that making a baby Westerman would be a lot harder than we expected. The first half of 2009 we spent running tests and finding out I have PCOS on top of a under active thyroid (which we knew since 2006). Then the second half of 2009 I spent taking medicine, doing lab work, ultrasounds etc. to get pregnant. We were very fortunate that the whole process, getting diagnosed and getting pregnant took right at a year. We were very blessed to find out January 2010 that our little Claire Bear was on her way and she arrived September 16, 2010 (3 days overdue and had to be evicted. I should have known then she was stubborn). I have spent the last wonderful 15.5 months nursing her. I feel very accomplished and blessed to have been able to nurse with very few issues for as long as I have. Since October 2011 she has nursed only once, first thing in the morning. Super easy and convenient. I told myself that after Christmas I would try and see if she would care if we went straight to the breakfast table. Honestly the first thing in the morning was about 50% me and 50% her. It is my snuggle time with my sweet girl and the last thing I felt to hold on to her infanthood (not sure if that is a word). Well I did it and good news (I think) is that she goes straight to the breakfast table with no issues, sniff sniff. Instead of getting sentimental and sad that that phase of my life with Claire is behind us I made myself think positive thoughts. You know what? Although I am sad I am also excited too. After 3 whole years of myself not really getting to myself I get to be myself. (you catch all that). I don't have to worry about everything I consume, no crazy hormones (we hope) and I just get to reclaim myself! I have never eaten incredibly unhealthy and I have always exercised regularly however I have a lot of room for improvement. I want to get really healthy and eat healthy all the time not just some of the time. I am such an emotional eater and make excuses why it is ok to have a treat. Truth is I make excuses way too often. I do workout on a weekly basis however it truly is only half an effort. I clock my 20-30 minutes on the elliptical or when the weather is nice I run outside, but I never go out of my comfort zone. I never push myself hard I just "get it over with" and check it off my daily to do list. So now I am committed to be a stronger self. Eat healthy and exercise harder. Especially since Claire is watching everything I do an already imitating so much. 

I hope everyone had a great Christmas! We sure did. I wasn't so sure Claire was going to be well for Christmas. She had been tugging at her ears all week before and then spiked a fever Christmas Eve. I found what seemed like the only urgent care clinic open on Christmas Eve and took her in. She had a little bit of fluid in one ear, but no infection. The doctor said she was the one on call over the weekend and to call if the fever continued or Tylenol wouldn't  bring it down and she would call something out. Thankfully Christmas morning the fever subsided. She wasn't 100% herself on Christmas, but still had a blast. She got the hang of opening presents super quick. Well, she had practice the night before. We had Christmas with Eric's family Christmas Eve and she started getting into opening stuff and by Christmas morning she was ripping into everything. Her gift from Santa was a battery operated Barbie 4 wheeler. She was terrified of it and refused to get on it. We left for my parents later Christmas day and took the 4 wheeler with us. I knew if someone could get her warmed up to the 4 wheeler it would by my brother aka "Uncle Rico". I was right! He put her on it and had her driving in no time!

She got spoiled rotten! Not just in getting presents, but her grandparents on both sides gave her whatever she wanted with nothing required, but a grin or a small whimper. That's what grandparents are for right? She is such a blessed little girl to have such wonderful grandparents.

We attempted a Christmas morning picture. Thank goodness for a tripod.