Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Hazy first few weeks

I intended on doing this post about the first 2 weeks as a mom of 2, but this sleep deprived Mom is a little slower these days so it will probably be closer to 3 weeks before I get it published.

The first weeks of Luke's life have flown by and creeped by all at the same time. On one hand it feels like he has always been with us and Christmas and the holidays happened in some other lifetime. On the other hand I look back and cannot believe he is almost 3 weeks old. He reminds me just how quickly the newborn stage flies by. I think back on Claire as a newborn and realize just how precious this time is. It really is such a short period in life. Thinking like that also helps me survive the often long nights of feeding every 2 hours (or more) and the 1.5-2 hour stretch in the middle of the night I usually spend trying to get him back to sleep. I find I can't always remember back to Claire's newborn days. Eric will often ask me when did Claire do xyz and I often have no idea. That breaks my heart. As much as I miss a full nights sleep I'm trying to soak in every ounce of Luke's "newborness". Knowing this is most likely the last newborn that will be in the house.

We have been beyond blessed to have my Mom and Eric's Mom come and spend a week with us. I've gotten to rest and spend time with my babies while the laundry and cleaning have been taken care of. Claire has loved every minute of Mimi or Nana spoiling her rotten and Mommy has become chopped liver at times. The time has now come that life must resume and I've got to find the new normal daily routine with 2 kids. I'm not going to lie I'm quite terrified. I'm reminding myself I'm no one special and Moms have managed multiple children for thousands of years. (The same thing I told myself at the end of labor when I wasn't so sure I could handle the pain after all). I've said it before I'm anxious to find our family's "new normal". Right now I know to take things one day at a time and to remember it's ok if I don't accomplish everything I'm used to accomplishing in one day. Nurturing and loving my 2 babies is the most important thing.

Claire has had a bit of a time adjusting. I knew she would and I'm nervous about her continuing to adjust now that grandparents have gone home and she really has to share the attention. She has been great with Luke. Anxious to give him a paci if her cries and loves to hold and kiss him. She has however tried to push a few more buttons with her parents. Typical 2 year old behavior just a little more amplified now that baby brother is here.

I've said it before postpartum hormones are not my friend. They weren't after I had Claire and they certainly aren't this time around either. I was hopeful that since I knew they were coming I could somehow avoid them. Not so much though. It's the strangest mix of emotions. On one hand so happy that the baby is finally here. On the other an annoying black cloud that follows you around waiting to suddenly ruin any feeling of joy. It's so frustrating for me. I know the wide range of emotions are normal following birth especially with crazy hormonal shift that happens. One second I find myself completely elated and the next I find myself almost sad that pregnancy is over. The anticipation that comes with welcoming a new child is suddenly over. I think it's been harder this time knowing this is our last child. I'm so excited to watch my family grow up and just enjoy being a Mom, but I am also a little sad that the excitement that pregnancy brings is over. All my life I wanted nothing more than to be a Mom and experience being pregnant at least once. God has blessed me twice now with 2 healthy pregnancies and babies and even gave me the delivery I so hoped for. It's kind of surreal to have "completed" our family.

Another strong emotion I have experienced is guilt. Guilt that Claire no longer has our sole attention. Guilt that I can't give Luke the same time and attention I was able to give Claire the first 2.5 years of her life. Whenever my attention is focused on one and the other is upset too that feeling just grows. Logically I know that Claire won't even remember a time without her brother and Luke won't feel cheated. I know that the best gift I can give them is my love and each other. There is nothing like having a sibling and the greatest gift I could give them is a built in playmate and friend. Again hormones messing with my head. I remember with Claire 10 days post partum was my "turning point" to starting to feel not so crazy and by 2 weeks postpartum I was feeling much better. Remembering that has helped me power through these first few weeks. It has been true this time as well. 2 almost 3 weeks out and I feel about 85% normal. I still have moments of anxiety, but the tearful moments have mostly passed. I know a lot of my anxiousness is being increased by my lack of solid sleep. With Claire she slept 4 hour stretches by 2 weeks. And of course if she decided to eat at 7 in the morning and sleep until 10 so did I. With Luke he is up about every 2 hours and of course Claire is up around 7 and I can't go back to sleep if little man sleeps in. I'm just thankful for the hour or so Claire naps I can rest and snuggle with little man.

We did decided to clip Luke's tongue tie. There really were no cons to doing it and it was over quickly with only 1 drop of blood. He nursed immediately afterward and I could instantly tell his latch had improved. We also discussed the possibility of reflux with the doctor. He had been exhibiting some of the same symptoms I remember Claire having. I hated the thought of putting him on meds at such a young age so the doc and I decided to give him another week and revisit it. After another sleepless week and it became very obvious to Eric and I he was in pain we decided to put him on medication. The relief was nearly instant and now on day 3 of medication and I have gotten some much needed rest. He has actually been going 3-4 hours between feedings at night and going right back to sleep. It's amazing what several hours of sleep in a row can do for a tired Momma!

Ok I know this post is very random (it has been written over a weeks time), but it's a little recap of our first few weeks as a family of 4.

10 Days Old

 Sleepy Smiles
 Stylish Sister

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