Life with 2 kids is exhausting work. I'm not going to sugar coat it. Right now it is more work than reward. Thankfully I do know the reward part is right around the corner though. Our sweet little man as I've mentioned before has reflux. Claire had reflux and was quite a fussy baby. I had worked it up on my mind while I was pregnant that I had earned my dues with Claire and she was my fussy one and therefore I was due to have an "easy" baby. Ha! How wrong I was! God once again has a sense of humor. Thinking Luke was going to be an easy baby and then him being the complete opposite has made everything even harder. His reflux is 10xs worse than Claire's was. Either that or I've blocked out how bad hers was. With Claire the first med combo worked fairly well. With Luke we are on combo number 2 and praying for results. He has literally screamed nonstop if he is awake for the past 3 weeks. I think with Claire only having her to focus on made the fussing easier to manage. Now having Luke and Claire my patience seems shorter. I'm sure that is in part due to lack of sleep. Claire sees all the attention that has to go into Luke plus all the additional time I spend trying to settle him and she acts out. I can't blame her sometimes. She went from my constant attention to now having to share it and often times she doesn't get a fair share and the share she does get is often an emotionally exhausted Momma. Please don't get me wrong I love my little man more than life itself and I am so glad he is here it's just an adjustment. I know he won't scream forever (he won't right?) and he will soon smile and coo and all the screaming will be a memory.
The other day I'm in the car going to run an errand. Luke was screaming as he had been all day. I was at my wits end and in tears not knowing what in the world to do to make him happy. The radio is always on in my car even if the volume is down. I had to drown out the screaming so I turned the volume loud. Playing on the radio was a song I had heard a million times. "Everything Glorious" by The David Crowder Band". As I listened to the words I began crying for a different reason. He makes EVERYTHING Glorious. That includes my screaming son. We were made in God's image to bring Him glory. At that moment I realized 2 things. Luke is God's son and he made him in His image. That although I didn't understand why o why I was picked to be the mother of very uncomfortable screaming baby God choose me to care for him on Earth. I am privileged to be his mother. I could sit in my misery feeling helpless or give him back to God and trust that God knows what he is doing entrusting this sweet boy to me. Also maybe some way some how through his reflux and screaming God will be glorified. At that moment I had a sudden peace. Even though my sweet boy was still screaming I knew that God knew I would take care of Luke and be able to handle the screaming.
Thankfully before last week was over every day Luke has gradually gotten better. Screamed less and smiled more. I absolutely hate when my babies don't feel good and there isn't anything I can do to fix it right away. I have also discovered his reflux is worse when I eat dairy products. While I am bummed I can't enjoy my cheese and yogurt as a Mom I will do whatever it takes to help my boy. Keep praying the new medicine keeps working!
Finally feeling better and smiling!
My babies!
Sampling his first bottle. Claire was thrilled to help!
Julie, I love how real you are when talking about motherhood. I get so frustrated when I hear mothers talking about how wonderful life is all the time, when we know this isn't the case. Some days just suck. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who loses her patience.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a fantastic job, and it truly is glorious. The crying will end! I'll pray that this second reflux combo works [Lillie had it too, so I feel your pain!] I always look forward to your blog posts!