Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Those of you who know me well know that I am generally a happy/positive person. I don't like to dwell on sad/unhappy things. Of course this does not mean I don't get down at times because we all do. I really do make an effort though to always count my blessings and remember we serve a merciful God. Over the past 3.5 weeks I have spent a lot of time talking to God and He has given me the peace that only He can give. That's not to say I'm still not asking why or no longer sad about everything that happened, but I am thankful to at least feel se peace with it all. God has shown his mercy countless ways throughout my life and this time has not been any different. He was merciful in that I had no reason at all to ever suspect I was pregnant. Therefore I had not had time to become excited and we didn't already tell anyone. I think already knowing and considering the baby a part of the family would have made it harder to have peace about the situation. Not that the baby isn't a part of our family because it always will be, but hopefully you know what I mean. God was also merciful in that Claire is too young to remember anything that happened. My hospital stay was the only nights I have ever been away from her. I am thankful that was harder on me than it was her. God also showed and is still showing his mercy through our friends and family who have gone above and beyond to help care for my little family. I also think I an calmer now. Well, I've had to slow down to recover, but I'm learning not to stress as much over the small things. That sometimes Claire just wants Momma to sit on the floor and play instead of folding clothes and it's ok. I think too that God is opening my heart to love another child. I have been conflicted about having more children for awhile and now having lost one especially thinking of it as Claire's brother/sister makes me want to give her the joy of having a sibling. Just some of what's been on my mind. I also thought I wod share a picture of us from this morning. I can never get a decent picture of the 2 of us and I finally did!